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Trump has '45' embroidered on his shirt cuffs — but style experts say it's a big mistake

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trump 45 shirt cuff

  • A photo taken of President Donald Trump's notes during a conversation about guns prominently displayed his shirt cuffs.
  • Many noticed the "45" emblazoned on them, which is an obvious nod to his position in the lineup of US presidents.
  • Monograms are a huge debate in menswear, and many say they're not a stylish choice. 


It's really easy to guess President Donald Trump's favorite number.

It's 45. Look, it's right there on his shirt cuff, embroidered in blue for all to see. The monogram was most recently on display during a White House "listening session" that focused on gun control.

While a monogram typically uses an owner's initials, Trump's uses a logo that refers only to him and his place in the US presidential order. This is unusual, but it isn't the first time Trump has taken the number "45" as his own — it's also appeared on hats he's worn.

Still, monograms are extremely controversial in men's style circles. They're basically a minefield in rules and taste.

Monograms have their roots in preppy style. Traditionally, they were an easy way to differentiate whose shirt was whose when they were all jumbled together in the laundry, presumably at an East Coast university.

We doubt that it serves the same functional style for the president. Some on Twitter called the president "narcissistic" for employing the monogram, while others derided his sartorial choices and compared them unfavorably to those of other world leaders.

Style experts have debated the merits of any kind of monograms on clothing for decades, and it's a heated topic.

"The people most likely to be impressed by ... embroidery are by definition allergic to the ideas that elegance is restraint and discretion the better part of not looking goofy," men's style expert Troy Patterson wrote in 2013 for Slate.

Most take less of a hardline against monograms and have nothing against them, provided they are discreet and limited. The air of personalization they give to a man's wardrobe is alluring, after all. Even JFK was photographed with a monogram on his left breast in a picture published in 1960.

The choice of placement, however, is another place where guys can go wrong. While the cuff is one of several areas on dress shirts where men often place their monograms, Trump's location choice is where he really went wrong.

Justin L. Jeffers, who runs the blog The Fine Young Gentleman, did not mince words. 

"The place to not put your monogram is on the edge of the shirt cuff. I played around with this placement on a few shirts and could not get over the ever-presence of it, even when in a matching color to the shirt," he wrote in 2013. "Never again."

While a monogram can be subtle, one on the shirt cuff is the opposite of that. It peeks out, and with contrasting stitches, it draws the eye immediately, distracting from the rest of what you have to say. They face outward and are impossible to hide.

Still, there's plenty of support for fans of monogrammed cuffs. Pinterest is full of inspiration for those who are daring enough, and most shirt companies will offer it as an option.

SEE ALSO: Trump's 'absurd efforts to conceal his hair loss' were revealed for a brief moment — and it helps solve the mystery of his hair

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Music legend Quincy Jones apologizes for the 'wordvomit' of his recent viral interviews, citing a 'family intervention' from his daughters

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quincy jones

  • Legendary music producer Quincy Jones apologized Thursday for two recent viral interviews that he gave to Vulture and GQ.
  • Jones, citing a "family intervention" from his daughters, apologized for his "wordvomit" and "bad-mouthing" in the interviews.
  • In his interview with Vulture, Jones claimed that he "used to date" Ivanka Trump, and that Marlon Brando and comedian Richard Pryor had a sexual relationship.

 

Music legend Quincy Jones apologized Thursday for two wild interviews he gave to GQ and Vulture that went viral in recent weeks. 

The 85-year-old producer shared a note on Twitter saying that his six daughters gave him a "family intervention" over the interviews.

In his Vulture Q&A, among many other quotable responses, Jones claimed that he "used to date" Ivanka Trump 12 years ago, and that Marlon Brando and comedian Richard Pryor had a sexual relationship.

"It’s apparent that 'wordvomit' & bad-mouthing is inexcusable," Jones wrote in the note. "I am sorry to anyone whom my words offended & I'm especially sorry to my friends who are still here with me & to those who aren't."

Read the full text of his statement below:

SEE ALSO: The 50 best-selling albums of all time

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Airbnb is going mainstream and letting you book regular hotels

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Brian Chesky Airbnb

  • Airbnb is adding hotels to its platform as it attempts to broaden its appeal.
  • The 10-year-old company wants to have one billion bookings a year by 2028.
  • It's also launching a rewards scheme, "Superguest."


Airbnb is trying to move into the mainstream.

The $31 billion holiday rental business is adding hotels to its platform as part of a major overhaul that it hopes will get it to one billion bookings a year by 2028.

On Tuesday, the 10-year-old company announced that it is broadening its selection of options available to customers to include vacation homes, "unique" properties, bed and breakfasts, and "boutique" hotels.

While some hotels and B&B's have previously listed on the platform, the update will directly list them under a dedicated category for the first time. These will be "professional hospitality businesses that usually have a unique style or theme," CEO Brian Chesky said at an event formally announcing the news in San Francisco, California.

Airbnb is also introducing higher-end options: "Airbnb Plus," properties that have been individually vetted by the company; and "Beyond by Airbnb," a luxury tier of properties.

And starting with a trial of 10,000 customers, it is introducing a rewards scheme called "Superguest" that will offer benefits to frequent customers.

Collectively, the changes represent an attempted broadening of the company's appeal. Historically, Airbnb has had a combative stance towards the traditional hotel industry— but with the update, it aims to directly target its customers.

"We think we finally do have a home for everyone," Chesky said.

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47 documentaries on Netflix right now that will make you smarter

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Jim and Andy Francois Duhamel Netflix final

One of the great things about Netflix is that it has brought thoughtful, compelling documentaries to a much wider audience — something filmmakers could only dream of a decade ago.

And with binge-worthy titles like Netflix original "Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond" and Oscar-nominated "Last Men in Aleppo" a click away, you can get a lot of great nonfiction viewing any night of the week.

You'll learn a lot more about the world, but don't worry — you'll also be entertained.

Here are 47 documentaries we think you should stream right away on Netflix.

Note: Numerous Netflix titles drop off the streaming service monthly, so the availability of titles below may change.

SEE ALSO: All the 'Avengers' and Marvel fans who nailed their cosplay at Comic-Con

1. "13th"

Director Ava DuVernay looks at the history of the US prison system and how it relates to the nation's history of racial inequality.



2. "Amanda Knox"

The murder trial in Italy of the American exchange student Amanda Knox, who is now free, captivated the world in the early 2000s. This Netflix original looks back at the case and gets the perspective of Knox and others closely involved.



3. "The Battered Bastards of Baseball"

In a fascinating look at one of the more colorful stories in baseball lore, directors Chapman and Maclain Way follow the Portland Mavericks, an independent baseball team owned by the movie star Bing Russell (Kurt Russell's father) who threw out all the conventions of the national pastime to build a regional sensation in the late 1970s.



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Take a look inside the most valuable mall in America, a massive $6 billion shopping center in Hawaii with more than 350 stores

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Ala Moana Center

  • Despite the fact that many malls across America are suffering, some are doing quite well. 
  • Hawaii's Ala Moana Shopping Center was recently named the most valuable mall in America, with nearly $6 billion in total assets. 
  • The mall has more than 350 stores and restaurants. 


The retail apocalypse has claimed many malls across America, but some of the best in the country have continued to thrive. Located in Honolulu, Hawaii, the Ala Moana Shopping Center was recently named the most valuable mall in America.

With over 350 stores and restaurants ranging from budget-friendly chains to high-end boutiques and department stores, the Ala Moana Center is worth roughly $5.74 billion, with about $1,500 in sales per square foot, according to a recent study by the research firm Boenning & Scattergood, which was reported on by CNBC

Keep scrolling for a tour of the shopping center:

SEE ALSO: This clothing startup built a cult following and millions in sales online — here's what it's like to shop at its first real-life store

The Ala Moana Shopping Center is the largest open-air mall in the world, with over 2.4 million square feet of retail space catering to tourists and Hawaiian locals of all ages and budgets.



An expansion in 2013, celebrated with a massive opening ceremony, brought over 300,000 square feet of additional retail space and 800 additional parking stalls. In the most recent expansion, a Target store was added.

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The mall has over 350 stores, including more than 100 restaurants ranging from international chains to local food vendors.



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How to avoid the flu when your partner or roommate gets sick: 9 simple tips

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  • Just because your spouse has the flu doesn't mean you'll inevitably get sick.
  • It's hard to contain germs if you're sharing an enclosed space, but wearing a mask or staying at least six feet away from your sick loved one for a few days can help.
  • To keep yourself healthy, manage your stress, keep everything clean, and get lots of rest.


When the flu hits home and your partner or roommate becomes a flu-shedding germ-bag, many people resign themselves to getting sick. 

Although flu viruses are extremely contagious and tough to contain, there are a few simple ways you can reduce your risk of getting hit — even while caring for an ill friend or loved one. We've rounded up some of the easiest things you can do to prevent yourself from catching a case of the flu at home.

Here are nine ways to minimize your risk.

SEE ALSO: The deadly flu epidemic sweeping the US is still spreading — here's everything you need to know

If you've gotten your shot, you'll be in better flu-fighting shape.

The flu vaccine may not be as effective as usual this year, but that doesn't mean it's not worth getting.

In addition to preventing more than one in three cases of the flu, it can also boost your immunity and make your case of the flu a milder one if you do get it.

Flu season can last into May, so if you haven't gotten your shot yet, and you don't feel sick right now, it's not too late.



Be especially cautious for the first two to three days, and stay six feet away from the germy person during that time.

People are much more likely to get infected with the flu from being around other sick people than they are from touching virus-laden surfaces.

Person-to-person transmission of the flu can happen when an infected person is talking, coughing, sneezing, or even just breathing near someone else. The virus can be transmitted through the air to anyone within six feet, so the easiest way to avoid getting sick is to keep your distance.

2008 study in Hong Kong found that most “viral shedding” – when you’re really passing the germs around – happens in the first two or three days after a person gets sick with the flu. Day 2 tends to be the worst, but that can vary.

Once a person has been fever-free without the help of drugs for a full 24 hours, that's an indicator that they're ready to re-enter the world, and won't share their flu with you, either. 

 

 



Consider wearing some protection.

If you live in a crowded household, it's best to assign a single person to care for the sicko and keep everyone else far away.

The care-giver may want to wear a mask and disposable gloves when they visit their "patient" to avoid breathing in or picking up any flu particles. 

The virus lasts for about 15 minutes inside of a tissue, and on hard surfaces for a full day.



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After a surprise bill, a former Trump administration official discovered every passenger who boards Air Force One is expected to pay for food — even if they don't eat

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Air Force One

  • Political officials who fly on Air Force One have to pay for their own food — even if they don't eat anything.
  • Former Trump administration official Omarosa Manigault recently revealed this fact on an episode of "Celebrity Big Brother."
  • Manigault once received a $23 bill after a flight.


"There's no free ride in the government."

So says former Trump administration official Omarosa Manigault. On an episode of "Celebrity Big Brother," Manigault revealed what it was like to fly Air Force One.

"You pay for the food," she told co-stars Ross Mathews, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and James Maslow on Wednesday's episode of the CBS show.

Manigault went on: "I got a bill and it was, like, $23 dollars and I was like, 'I didn't even eat anything.' So I called the military aide and was like, 'Why am I getting a bill?' and he's like, 'Well, if you even consume the snacks, you get a flat fee.'"

Reid Cherlin recounted the same discovery in a 2012 New York Magazine article: "It is a curious fact of White House life that when flying on the Big Bird—a conveyance whose $180,000-per-hour bill is footed by the taxpayer when the plane is on official business—travelers do not get free meals."

Cherlin reported that the State Department paid the hospitality bill on foreign flights and Obama for America paid on campaign trips — but on domestic flights, staffers were responsible for paying themselves. He also learned that the White House Travel Office decides what meals are served aboard Air Force One, and that each leg of travel costs passengers roughly $20 for food.

Air Force One is known for serving elaborate meals, according to ABC News, including beef tenderloin. The president can request anything he wants, even if it's not listed on the menu. The Air Force One jet must be able to carry up to 3,000 meals at a time, Business Insider's Christopher Woody reported.

Recently, the cost of maintaining Air Force One has been a source of controversy, Woody reported. In December 2016, President Donald Trump criticized the high cost of replacing the aircraft that had served as the presidential jets since 1990. As a result, the Air Force bought two Boeing 747-8 Intercontinental airliners and converted them to serve as Air Force One.

Nonetheless, in December 2017, the Air Force gave Boeing a contract to replace two refrigerators on Air Force One for a whopping $23,657,671.

SEE ALSO: White House annihilates Omarosa after 'Big Brother' comments: 'Omarosa was fired three times on The Apprentice'

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Trump seemed to place part of the blame for school shootings on violent video games and movies — and a Parkland survivor called it a 'pathetic excuse'

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Donald Trump AP

  • In the wake of the school shooting in Florida last week, President Trump said on Thursday that violence in video games and movies were affecting kids.
  • One Florida school shooting survivor called the President's remarks "pathetic" when asked about them on CNN.


At a moment when many are trying to figure out how to prevent another school shooting, President Trump believes we need to look at video games and movies that young people are consuming.

During a meeting in the White House about school safety on Thursday, President Trump said that today's video games and movies are "so violent," and that the rating systems for both need to be reexamined.

"The level of violence on video games is really shaping young people’s thoughts, and then you go the further step, and that’s the movies," Trump said. "You see these movies, they’re so violent, and yet a kid is able to see the movie. If sex isn’t involved, but killing is involved. And maybe they have to put a rating system for that, and you get into a whole very complicated, very big deal.”

There are currently rating systems for both movies and video games. The Motion Picture Association of America has a rating system that's used at movie theaters nationwide. For video games, they are conducted by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

"We know that's not how life is"

This is hardly the first time both mediums have come under fire after a violent act. But it's the victims of this latest school shooting that are coming out to say it's not the content that's causing the violence.

"My friends and I have been playing video games our whole lives, and seen, of course, violent movies, but never have we ever felt driven or provoked by those action in those games to do something as horrible as this," Samuel Zeif, a Stoneman Douglas High School shooting survivor, said on CNN soon after Trump made the remarks. "It's a video game, something happens you restart, we know that's not how life is. I think it's a distraction, the president is trying to distract us."

Fellow survivor, Chris Grady, gave stronger words about Trump's comments.

“That’s just a really pathetic excuse on behalf of the president," he told CNN. "I grew up playing video games — 'Call of Duty,' those first-person shooter games — and I would never, ever dream of taking the lives of any of my peers. So it’s just pathetic."

Since the Florida shooting, students across the country have rallied for stricter gun-control measures. Protests have been held, and there's a planned national school walkout on March 14, and a "March for Our Lives" protest on March 24.

The National Association of Theatre Owners declined to comment for this story. The Motion Picture Association of America and Entertainment Software Rating Board did not respond to Business Insider's request for comment.

Here's President Trump's comments on there being too much violence in video games and movies:

 

SEE ALSO: 47 documentaries on Netflix right now that will make you smarter

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NOW WATCH: You can connect all 9 Best Picture Oscar nominees with actors they have in common — here's how


15 things I wish I knew before becoming a dad

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When it comes to children, the only certain things about them is that they’ll cry, they’ll poop and repeat.

Handling that is the easy part. Everything else is a minefield waiting to be stepped on. 

It doesn’t matter how many books you read, videos you watch, classes you take or parents you talk to, raising your own child and the affects it will have on you will only become known once you’re in the trenches.

While it may sometimes sound like war, having a kid is truly incredible. There are a few things, however, I wish I knew before my son arrived. 

SEE ALSO: 10 hard truths no one tells you about buying a house

SEE ALSO: 9 things I wish I knew before I got married

You're on your own

The baby’s born. Family comes to visit you at the hospital, friends send you text messages and your social media blows up with good wishes from the kid you sat next to in third grade. Then after 48 hours, at which point your insurance company strong-arms the hospital to discharge you, you're figuring out how to install a car seat.

No matter how many books you read, other babies you hold, or advice you half-listen to from your in-laws, when you have your first child, it's the first time you're a parent and you're going to have to figure everything our for yourself. 

We wanted to breast feed, but my wife couldn’t. Our son wasn’t eating. We didn’t wait for the first-week checkup. We were at the pediatrician’s office on day 3 to find out what kind of bombshell news we were going to be hit with. It’s scary. You and your partner need to hang on tight like Thelma & Louise because if you’re not in this together, you will drive each other off a cliff.



They really, really, really like sleeping in your bed

Me, my wife and my newborn son all lived in the same bedroom for the first year of his life.  It wasn't always ideal, but it was easy to roll over and pick him up from his crib and bring him into our bed. He'd call for us, and we'd go get him. 

Eventually when he was in a toddler bed, he could simply get out of bed on his own and climb into ours, parting my wife and I like the Red Sea, sometimes not even feeling he was in between us. Well, I would, because he’d kick mercilessly, which may explain my lower back issues and my affinity for sleeping on couches.



It's incredibly hard to break habits

Once you start letting your child do something it becomes a pattern. Some people may object to welcoming their child into their bed, for example, like we did. Sure, doing so sometimes put a damper on personal time with my wife, but all my son ever wanted when climbing into bed with us was to snuggle and feel comfortable. 

Sharing our bed with my son really allowed my wife and I to build our relationship with him, but to this day he still likes to fall asleep in our bed every night before I pick him up and transfer him to his own bedroom. Although it's not necessarily a bad habit, my wife and I are looking forward to upgrading to a king sized mattress. 



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A viral story suggested that depression shouldn't be treated with medication — but new research directly contradicts that claim

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  • In January, an author wrote a series of stories in outlets including The Guardian and Huffington Post claiming that antidepressants don't work.
  • A large new review of studies backs up what scientists have been saying for years: that in fact, the drugs do help.
  • The study was written by a team of 18 specialists and looked at more than 500 trials comprising more than 100,000 people. All 21 of the drugs they studied were more effective than a placebo at reducing the symptoms of depression.


Coffee causes cancer. Eggs give you high cholesterol. Lexapro is a scam.

Just kidding.

Health advice these days feels like a game of ping-pong, and the accepted wisdom on antidepressants like Lexapro — one of the most popular drugs used to treat depression — is no exception to that mixed messaging.

In January, writer Johann Hari published a series of personal stories in outlets like The Guardian and the Huffington Post in which he claimed that antidepressant medications didn't help him because "the whole idea that depression is caused by a 'chemically imbalanced' brain is wrong."

Fortunately, a large new review of 500 studies comprising more than 100,000 people and published this week in the medical journal The Lancet, backs up what many experts in the fields of psychiatry and neuroscience have been saying for decades: antidepressants do work.

The review found that the drugs can be powerful tools in the fight against depression, which today remains the leading cause of disability and a major cause of suicide worldwide.

Written by a team of 18 medical doctors and specialists in Europe and England and funded by the UK's Department of Health, the review concluded that all of the 21 antidepressant drugs they studied worked better at treating depression than a placebo.

In direct comparisons of some of the drugs, small differences in the results appeared, with the research suggesting that some medicines like escitalopram (frequently sold under brand-name Lexapro) worked slightly better than drugs like fluoxetine (sold under brand-name Prozac).

pill placebo pills clinical trial drugs prozacStill, antidepressants are not magic tricks.

Evidence suggests that for as many as 78% of people, simply taking a pill does not completely erase depression's most insidious symptoms, which can include things like isolating oneself, having disturbing impulses to self-harm, or being so self-critical that it interferes with daily life.

A smaller percentage of people don't respond to medications at all, a troublesome phenomenon known as treatment-resistant depression that remains one of the hardest types of the illness to address.

But for those whose symptoms do subside on antidepressants, they can be a powerful component of a larger treatment plan that might include things like therapy, group counseling, and exercise.

These other parts of treatment plans should not be discounted, as some studies suggest that the right forms may be just as powerful, if not more so, than medications. Unfortunately, therapy also tends to be expensive and time consuming, which makes it inaccessible to people who are working multiple jobs or can't afford it.

Also, while most antidepressants work better than a placebo, it's still somewhat unclear how much better than a placebo they function. For the latest review, the researchers found evidence that some medications ranged from being roughly a third more effective to more than twice as effective as a placebo — a fairly wide range. This means that some people's symptoms may dramatically clear after a few weeks on the right drug while other people get only slight relief.

However, the main takeaway from the latest paper appears to be that for many people, antidepressants can be a helpful part of a broader approach to treatment — and in some cases, they provide powerful relief that isn't available otherwise.

SEE ALSO: Psychedelic drugs could tackle depression in a way that antidepressants can't

DON'T MISS: A Stanford researcher is pioneering a dramatic shift in how we treat depression — and you can try her new tool right now

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A hair scientist debunks six common hair myths — from curing baldness to self-cleaning hair

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  • Does our hair carry on growing after we die?
  • Do nits really prefer cleaner hair?
  • Is dyeing your hair actually bad for it?
  • Can I tell if I’m going to be bald?
  • Is it healthier not to use shampoo?
  • Are McDonald’s fries the answer to baldness?

 

Business Insider UK spoke to trichologist Shirley MacDonald about the validity of some common hair myths.

Full Transcript:

Does our hair carry on growing after we die?

When we die there is a myth that our hair continues to grow and it is actually a complete myth. What happens is the scalp shrinks and so it appears that the hair is growing. Hair grows roughly a centimetre a month, and when you die that skin sort of shrinks and pulls back, then it would seem as if the hair has grown. But no, when you die the hair doesn’t continue growing.

Do nits really prefer cleaner hair?

Nits and headlice was always thought to be something that only people with non-hygienic tendencies would suffer, but in fact nits and lice like clean hair because they can move around the scalp much more easier and drink your blood.

Is dyeing your hair actually bad for it?

Dyeing your hair is not the greatest thing for it. But general weathering, just day to day, will also affect hair you know we’ll have split ends and so on. Diet is key, keep your hair strong and healthy by ingesting the right nutritional foods and drinking plenty of water. The lighter the colour, the more hydrogen peroxide that’s in there so that’s going to be more damaging. So yes in short dyeing is bad, but it’s not the worst thing, what you need to do is make sure that you look after your hair from within.

Can I tell if I’m going to be bald?

If you want to know how your, whether you’re going to become bald or not. Then you need to look at who you take after the most in your family, do you look more like mum or do you look more like dad. So if you have the genes more like your mum and then you look at mums brother and he’s bald then the likelihood that you may take after them.

Is it healthier not to use shampoo?

The truth is the lipids that are in the hair shaft cannot be washed out, what you are washing off is the excess bacteria and yeast so that the hair can grow out more healthy. So it is better to wash your hair. There is also a belief that hair will self clean, in actual fact what’s happening is the build up of the grease and the bacteria becomes, if you like, I’m using the word crystallised, but it dries out. So it then forms scales which then brush out of the hair so I think that’s more why people talk about it being self cleaning.

Are McDonald’s fries the answer to baldness?

It seems an important finding if they have found something, but transferring that from mice to humans will be the real test. So I’ll wait and see, there have been over the many years lots of people coming out with research where they think they’ve found the cure so I think this one is a wait and see.

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Playing hard to get might be a terrible idea if you actually like someone — here's why

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  • Many people believe playing hard to get will make someone interested in them.
  • In fact, there is no evidence to suggest this is true.
  • Instead of making you seem appealing, it can make people like you less.
  • Rather than being disinterested, you should be selective.


You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It's a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms.

If you're looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective. But if scientific research is anything to go by, it's nonsense.

In the 1970s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works.

Social psychologist Viren Swami highlights the findings in a blog post for Refinery29. In one study, male participants were told to phone up a woman who had been selected with a dating service and ask her out.

Half the time, the woman would be busy and dismissive until finally accepting, and the other half of the time she would enthusiastically accept the invitation.

The men didn't seem to prefer the women who had less free time. In fact, there was no evidence at all that playing hard to get made them more desirable.

Of course, this was the result under experimental conditions. When a man decides to go after a woman who is rebuffing his advances, it may be more nuanced than the fact they like her unavailability. For example, they may have lusted after the same person for years regardless of their interest, or they may enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Games can define the kind of people you attract

In some cases, according to biologist and journalist Mairi Macleod, playing it too cool can mean you attract the wrong kind of people.

"Yes, if you show that you're confident and you don't 'need' somebody, you appear like you've got lots of options and so you must be a good catch," she writes in a blog post for Psychology Today. "The trouble is, though, that if you pretend you're not fussed about having someone there for you, you're going to be an attractive choice for a guy that's not that into commitment."

Erika Ettin, a dating coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge told Business Insider that it's never a good idea to hide your feelings from a new date or partner. If you're busy and can't meet up with someone, that's one thing, but playing with someone's feelings because you think it will give you the upper hand is a waste of time.

"Does it perhaps make you more desirable in the short term? Sure — to some people, both the people who only appreciate the thrill of the chase and the people who are a bit insecure already, so being aloof feeds on that insecurity," she said. "But, if you're looking for a long-term committed relationship, then you want to be with the person who appreciates your ability to communicate your feelings, not withhold them."

Playing hard to get could also mean you attract people who have an avoidant attachment style. These are people who act very self-sufficient, and only enjoy closeness on their own terms. They like to keep intimacy at bay, and only pursue people who seem disinterested.

It sounds counter-intuitive, as you'd imagine most people would find comfort in a secure relationship. But for some, the insecurity of not really knowing where a relationship is going feels familiar, and humans are creatures of habit.

If they start dating someone who seems secure in what they want, and is clear about pursuing an intimate, exclusive relationship, it feels unfamiliar and they will bail. So they go after people who don't give them any security, which rarely works out in their favour.

Turns out we don't like people who don't like us

If someone is playing hard to get with you, Ettin says this could be a sign they are playing games.

"Men sometimes employ these tactics, too, and that's how Neil Strauss' 'The Game' created an empire, empowering men to try 'pickup artist' techniques," she said. "Just as I would say to women, these 'hard to get' tactics are like candy — it's best at the beginning but then it gets boring and nobody wants it."

Also, there's a difference between liking someone and wanting them. This could explain why playing hard to get doesn't necessarily work.

The "norm of reciprocity" is a sociological term that means we tend to like people who like us, and dislike those who don't. It's a simple idea, but if it's true, it could mean that playing hard to get could make people think we don't like them, leading them to dislike us in return.

But humans have a thing about winning. So even though someone may not like you that much, they may want to still prove they can have you, because they've been chasing you for so long.

In these cases, by playing hard to get, you could be fuelling someone's desire to win. As soon as they "get" you, they'll soon realise they didn't like you that much to begin with, and you're back where you started.

Here's what you can do instead

Hatfield, the American psychologist who conducted the 1970s dating experiments, looked into what a better method of attracting someone could be, for those of us who can't get the balance right with showing interest.

In a final experiment, researchers told men they had matched with five women's profiles, all fake for the purpose of the experiment, who had attended a session where they had filled out forms about what they thought of the men they'd matched with. The men were shown the fake women's answers.

One woman gave all her matches low ratings, one rated them all highly, and a third was selective, rating all the other men poorly except the test subject who was given a very good score. The men then had to rate the women in return, and the consensus was the woman who rated them highly but everyone else poorly was the most desirable.

So it looks like the answer is to be selective, but not excessively. You're not dismissing every option that comes your way, but you're not giving everyone a chance either.

By doing this, you make whoever you do go for feel special, because you obviously have standards. But that doesn't mean being so distant that it gets mistaken for the cold-shoulder.

On the other hand, if you find someone being unresponsive, Ettin said you shouldn't assume they are playing it cool with you. Instead, you should take it for what it is — a lack of proper communication, or simple rudeness. Don't bother chasing them, because if they really liked you in the first place, they'll stop with the games and come back to you.

SEE ALSO: Being familiar or comfortable with someone are two different things — and too much of one in a relationship can be a red flag

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Here's what might happen if North Korea launched a nuclear weapon

The Oscar-nominated director of Netflix's 'Heroin(e)' talks about exploring a side of the opioid epidemic the media ignores

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  • Director Elaine McMillon Sheldon's Oscar-nominated documentary "Heroin(e)" follows three women fighting the opioid epidemic in the town of Huntington, West Virginia. 
  • Sheldon spoke to Business Insider about the challenges of the drug crisis, her collaboration with Netflix on the film, and the film's life as a tool for community outreach. 

 

In her striking, Oscar-nominated documentary, "Heroin(e)," director Elaine McMillon Sheldon depicts the personal, social, and medical challenges of the opioid epidemic through the lens of Huntington, West Virginia — a town that suffers an overdose rate ten times the national average.

A documentarian and native West Virginian, Sheldon followed three Huntington women — the state's first female fire chief, a drug-court judge, and a street missionary — who are each combatting their town's opioid crisis with what Sheldon called in our interview a "kindness" and "inner-resilience."

Produced by Netflix, "Heroin(e)" premiered at the Telluride Film Festival in August 2017. Netflix released the film in September, and The New York Times called it a frontrunner in the Oscar category of best documentary (short subject), for which it is nominated.

Sheldon spoke to Business Insider about the myriad challenges and misconceptions of the drug crisis, her collaboration with Netflix, and the film's life as a tool for community outreach. 

John Lynch: As a West Virginia native, how did you decide to take on this crisis that's particularly prevalent in your home state?

Elaine McMillon Sheldon: I grew up in West Virginia. Certainly this is a crisis that makes headlines all across the nation, but my home state's been particularly hard hit. We lead the nation in overdose death rates. It's just been a topic that, as a journalist and documentary filmmaker, has come up in a lot of the stories that I've been documenting over the past eight years. And I've seen a lot of media come out of my home state that's really focused on the use and abuse, and oftentimes the victim side of the story. We wanted to try and find a story that was around solutions and the inner-resilience that people have to overcome this problem. We did an initial reporting trip down to Huntington and met [Huntington fire chief] Jan Rader, and then from there she introduced us to a lot of amazing people across the city that were working really hard with very few resources.

Lynch: Jan Rader is one of three women you tell this story through, including a drug-court judge and street missionary. How did you settle on these three women to provide your film's perspectives of the crisis?

Sheldon: Well, Jan Rader is the first female fire chief in West Virginia's history. She's a person that's very well connected in the community. She grew up right across the river in Ohio, and she herself was an obvious candidate because she leads a group of nearly 100 men in a fire department who every single day see the worst part of this, which is the overdoses. They on the front lines rarely have a positive experience; six to seven overdoses a day is not positive for these first responders. And she just seemed so optimistic, I guess I would say, which surprised me and interested me. And I wondered how she found that resilience within herself to lead in a more empathetic way. 

The other two women are friends of Jan's. Like I said, Jan probably introduced us to 20 people across Huntington, but Necia Freeman and Patricia Keller stood out because they're three women who work across different strata of society. The three of them actually work with the same people, just at different parts of their life. Jan's the one that's reviving them, Nisha's often the one that's getting them into rehab or into a homeless shelter or place to sleep, and oftentimes they go through the drug court if they've committed a crime or felony related to their drug use. So they oftentimes work with the same people but with very different approaches, but all treating people as human beings and not as junkies. So they have a lot in common but they all represent more kindness in the fight against drugs. They were pretty obvious people to feature, but certainly there are a lot of people on the ground that could have been featured as well. 

Lynch: Pulling back, what do you think is the biggest misconception people have about the opioid epidemic?

Sheldon: There are a lot of misconceptions. I think it's important that we talk about addiction as a whole. Addiction to any substance can ruin someone's life and burn bridges and isolate them from society. Right now, we're talking about opioids and heroin, but this could easily be any other substance that is tearing apart communities. The prevalence of opioids that were dumped into Appalachia by distribution companies really helped create a perfect storm. People have described it as like an "addiction of misery," but the problem with describing it as such is that it seems to say that those who aren't in misery, those with good jobs and a good standing in society are exempt from addiction, which just isn't the case. I think America has pushed addiction off as a largely lower-class or a very racialized issue. And addiction doesn't see color. It doesn't see gender.

So there's this huge misconception about who can become addicted. And unfortunately, I think it has taken the opioid crisis, which first started in the form of a pill, to penetrate parts and classes of society that thought they were exempt from addiction, to now become part of that conversation. There's a lot of stigma associated with addiction and a lot of misconceptions around who uses heroin and who doesn't. It's been studied that four out of five heroin users actually started with a pill, Oxycontin or a synthetic opiate. This is unfortunately an addiction crisis in America  that we can't just point fingers at and say, "It's not in our community." It's everywhere. So while that's a very negative thing, it's good that we're actually talking about addiction now, and we're talking about it very differently. In the past, we've said, especially for communities of color, "Lock them up and throw away the key. They're moral failures. There are no second chances." And now that other classes and other races have become impacted by this, our eyes are being opened. And that's very unfortunate for our history, but it's time that we don't make the same mistakes we've made in the past. 

heroine netflix

Lynch: The depiction of the antidote Narcan in the film was striking to see. Here in New York there are subway ads that advocate the use of it in the home — if you know someone who's a user, this is something that can revive them in an overdose situation. In your film, someone poses in a community meeting that's it's possibly enabling for addicts to have Narcan. How do you weigh the pros and cons of that issue?

Sheldon: Yeah, I think all American communities right now are trying to figure out: A) how can we pay for this drug, especially if pharmaceutical companies keep raising prices? And B) what are the ethical choices? Because the stigma of addiction has narrowed it down to being a moral failure, people often bring that "three strikes, you're out" opinion to it. You know, "We'll revive you three times, but after that you don't deserve another chance." And that unfortunately has been sort of the idea behind Naloxone. A lot of people have seen syringe exchanges, harm reduction programs, and Naloxone training as enabling, and unfortunately now we're seeing higher rates of HIV and hepatitis C. We're not actually enabling people to use drugs, we're allowing them to live healthier lives with these harm reduction programs. They are going to use no matter if there's a clean needle or not. They are addicted to a substance that completely alters the brain, and not providing them with those services is not going to in some way, all of a sudden, make them decide to go to rehab. Going to seek out recovery options comes at a different point in everyone's life. 

And in Cabell County, the county that Huntington's in, with six to seven overdoses a day, there are less than ten detox beds in the entire county. The problem with that is that rehabs oftentimes won't accept people unless they've gone through that really brutal detox, and there's a bottleneck of people even getting help. So we have to change our thinking around harm reduction. We have to see it as a public health issue. If we think the opioid crisis is expensive in and of itself, rising rates of hepatitis C and HIV are only further costs on healthcare that we just can't afford. It's just changing though, the conversation around it. Especially in a place like West Virginia, in media portrayals you wouldn't think of West Virginia as a place that's leading a progressive way forward and treating people differently, but Huntington was one of the first places in the state to have this syringe exchange. And it was important for us as native West Virginians to show that we're part of the solution, too. Yeah, it's a problem here, but the people here have come together and decided, we're not enabling, but we have to do something because it's a public health crisis.

Lynch: If I could ask quickly about the production side of the film, how did you get involved with Netflix to tell this story?

Sheldon: Well, my husband and I shot the film together. We were the only two on the ground, and we shot with the women from February 2016 until May of 2017, about 38 days total, on and off. The Center for Investigative Reporting was actually the first funder in, through their Glassbreaker initiative. Once we started thinking about editing and taking it into post-production, that's when we approached Netflix, and they came on board and really helped us creatively approach these stories and craft it into the film that it became.

Lynch: As absorbed as I was in the film, and I found the brevity of it very impactful, I also thought, you know, I could watch like a couple episodes or hours of this. How did you determine that the 39-minute length was appropriate?

Sheldon: The length for us was a really smart way to use it as a tool for education. What's been incredible is that the film's under 40 minutes, within another 20 minute discussion packed on to that, and within an hour, a community can have this film be a conversation starter for them. There's a screening this week in Sitka, Alaska. There have been screenings almost in every state in the country now where communities who are experiencing the crisis — and it may look different in their community than what you see in "Heroin(e)" — but the fact is, they're able to start a conversation with this film. And that's the hardest part is starting to talk about this, so I think the short allows the film to travel really well. It's good that you have an appetite to learn more I think, because that's where the discussion comes in and that's where further research comes in. So we've just been able to see it travel in a way that is really incredible for education and outreach. We've created a field guide for people that want to host their own screenings. There's been screenings hosted at prisons and rehabs and medical schools. At heroinethefilm.com, under the resources page, we made this guide that gives you actual questions you can lead an audience with through a proper discussion. So yeah, it's a great length for that particular educational tool.

HEROINE netflix

Lynch: The film really illustrates how prevention and rehabilitation can work at a local level. What steps do you think we need to take to curb this nationally, at the federal level?

Sheldon: It's kind of hard to say what should happen from the federal level. Certainly these small communities, especially rural communities, cannot afford to provide the resources they need to help people. And I think it actually all changes on a grassroots level. I'd like every politician to watch the film and see what people on the front lines deal with on a daily basis, and make policies that are based on informed decisions of what the front lines look like. I think that every community's response to this is going to look different. What's happening in Huntington, West Virginia, is different than what's happening in Portland, Oregon. And the entities that are there to solve it, whether it's the faith-based community, the medical community, the criminal justice and court system, they can all come together and decide to change this.

But unfortunately, it's very hard to do that without funding. So I'd like to see more effort go towards — well, obviously, not taking away the expansion of Medicaid would help a lot — but making sure that people are able to access resources on a local level. Most people that want help in West Virginia are on a three-to-four month waiting list and are often overdosing while on that waiting list. One of the guys that we filmed was actually going to rehab that week, and you see that a lot. A lot of people aren't using because it's fun or exciting for them anymore, they're using because they'll be dope-sick if they don't, and they're just waiting until they can get in some places, so it's very complicated. I don't think there's one solution that's a silver bullet. Jan Rader, if she were on this call, would say it starts with kindness, it starts with being more perceptive to what's happening in your own community and seeing how you can help in being kinder to one another, and trying to see how we, on an individual level, can help improve each other's lives.

Lynch: Going into the film, did you personally have any preconceived notions or background on the subject matter that shifted after the process of making it?

Sheldon: Well, just looking at my middle school and high-school graduating class, I mean, it's kind of unreal to look at how many people I've gone to school with have overdosed and died. Or who are currently in long-term recovery, which is really incredible to see — friends who I know have struggled, getting their life back together and getting their kids back. So I always had experience through those connections but never personally. And I think the biggest surprise and the biggest concern for me was learning that the people on the front lines also need care. The first responders that are quite exhausted from this, they have this exhaustion from being compassionate and being able to help. And they feel helpless in that they're bringing back the same person several times in one week, and they're not feeling like they're doing their job helping people. I think the biggest thing any community member can do, if you're in long-term recovery, I think that people in recovery and first responders need to speak and be in touch more often, because I think these first responders are getting really burnt out on what they're doing, because they don't feel like they're helping. And if they could just meet people in long-term recovery and see that people have changed their lives, I think that would really help morale on the ground, which is really waning at this time.

Lynch: With the Oscars coming up, I have to ask. I've seen your film listed as a frontrunner. What would an Oscar win mean to you and to the cause?

Sheldon: Just being nominated has already been so positive for the community outreach. We had a lot of people doing the educational screenings beforehand, but now that it's an Oscar nominee, they can get more people out. You know, "We're doing our own private screening of this Oscar-nominated film." And Netflix has made it available for educational streaming unlimited, so as long as people aren't charging admission, they can screen it to as many people as often as they like. So with that, in and of itself, we've seen an uptick in community screenings since the Oscar nomination. I would just hope that it continues to add to the conversation that's ongoing, that it continues to help find new solutions.

Certainly, the three women and I and my husband are all going to be going to the Oscars together, bringing attention to people on the front lines and to those who are suffering from substance abuse disorder, so that we can actually have a full-on conversation reducing the stigma around how we can help people. Because while we're looking at this current generation, my generation, what we're not thinking about is the kids that are coming up behind us that are orphaned, that are often left in situations that are beyond their control. So that's my biggest fear is that we're having this conversation now about saving people and getting them into rehab, but we have a younger generation that's suffering from our really zeroed in vision on this current generation. I would like the conversation to expand into that: how we can help the next generation avoid falling into this.

SEE ALSO: 47 documentaries on Netflix right now that will make you smarter

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Americans are scrambling to leave the Winter Olympics with one unusual souvenir

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  • South Korea is well-known in the beauty industry for its natural and hydrating skincare products, like sheet masks and essences, according to the "Today" show.
  • While at the Olympics in Pyeongchang, many Americans have discovered for themselves how great Korean beauty products are.
  • Lots of them are stocking up before they have to head home.


Americans at the Olympic Games in Pyeongchang can't seem to get enough of Korean skincare products.

The South Korean beauty industry has been growing rapidly for years, according to the BBC. In 2015, the country exported more than $2.64 billion worth of beauty products. Korean skincare is all about having hydrated and glowing skin, according to beauty expert Charlotte Cho, who was featured in a recent segment about the craze on the "Today" show. 

On the website for Soko Glam, the Korean beauty marketplace that Cho cofounded, she writes: "Koreans have a skin-first philosophy — they believe that skin care should be enjoyable and that it's an investment in their overall well-being."

The trend has now reportedly caught on with visitors — both athletes and the people there to cover the events — at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. The weather conditions there are cold and dry, so it makes sense that visitors would want to take full advantage of the area's skincare shops.

Here are some of the popular products that people likely have their eye on:

SEE ALSO: Meghan Markle's and Kate Middleton's fashion choices can lead to huge spikes in sales — here are some of the brands they love

Skin Food Hydro Fitting Snail Mask

Korean skincare emphasises hydrated skin. The $13 Skin Food Hydro Fitting Snail Mask is made with snail mucin, which replenishes moisture and is great to help with dry skin.



Atoclassic Real Tonic Lifting Treatment Mask

Another sheet mask used to nourish skin is the Atoclassic Real Tonic Lifting Treatment Mask, which is made with antioxidant-rich ingredients and claims to help skin look younger after each use.



Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Essence

Beauty expert Charlotte Cho recommended this product on "Today," saying that no Korean skincare routine is complete without using a hydrating essence. 



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Goodwill stores are filling up with cheap pieces no one wants — and it reveals a huge problem with the way people shop for clothes

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  • The rise in fast fashion has created a wasteful shopping habit.
  • Thrift stores like Goodwill are now overrun with cheap clothing that no one wants.
  • The production and disposal of this clothing is creating massive environmental issues. 

 

Fashion is becoming faster, and it's a big problem. 

Retailers are cutting their supply chains every way that they can to stay on top of trends and bring new products out to the consumer more quickly than their competitors.

Competition has reached such heights that the retailers that once ruled the world of fast fashion now seem to lag behind. 

H&M is a good example of this. The store has long been known for its speedy turnaround times and ability to offer cheap, trendy clothes, but it's lost out to even speedier stores in recent years. A report done by Fung Global Retail & Technology showed that it takes online stores ASOS, Boohoo, and Misguided between one and eight weeks to get a product from concept to sale. Zara has a speedy five-week turnaround, while H&M can take up to six months. 

Innovation in the supply-chain process has enabled these companies to get products out to customers quickly, but it's created a trend of disposable shopping.

Americans buy four times as much clothing now as they did in 1980, according to The State of Reuse Report done by thrift store chain Savers in 2017. Much of this clothing gets wasted. According to the US Environmental Protection Agency, 26 billion pounds of textiles end up in a landfill each year. 

The process of creating this clothing is also a big issue. It takes 2,700 liters of water to produce a T-shirt. In fact, this is the second-most polluting industry after oil, according to The World Economic Forum

Earlier this month, Business Insider reported that thrift-store chain Goodwill had seen an uptick in donations from millennials who are looking to offload unwanted products. 

Blogger Betsy Appleton, who is an ambassador for Goodwill in Tennessee, said she has noticed an influx of donations because of the movement towards trendy, cheap clothing that goes out of style quickly. 

"People are more willing to donate as it's not expensive," she told Business Insider. "People were more invested before."

Appleton frequently sees fast-fashion clothing appearing in Goodwill six to 12 months after it launches in stores, which she says makes her less inclined to shop at stores that sell overly trendy clothes.

"When I go to a mall I feel defeated," Appleton said. "So many of these products are going to end up in a landfill, in the trash, or at Goodwill."

But some shoppers are becoming more conscious about the impact of shopping in these stores, and that's driving a trend of millennials shopping in and donating more to thrift stores. 

"Millennials are becoming more conscious about sustainable living and preserving the environment," Erin Hendrickson, a minimalist expert who runs the blog Minimalist RD, told Business Insider.

SEE ALSO: We went to a Goodwill store and saw how it's 'overrun' with stuff millennials and Gen Xers refuse to take from their parents

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Jaden Smith wants to be the Elon Musk of bottled water — and it could revolutionize a $16 billion industry

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Jaden Smith

  • Jaden Smith is launching a new line of flavored bottled water.
  • JUST Water uses bottles that cut down on CO2 emissions. It also invests in local communities and actually encourages customers to reuse bottles instead of buying more. 
  • Smith wants to "revolutionize" the $16 billion bottled-water industry, and he's taking cues from Elon Musk. 

 

Jaden Smith's ride to our interview — a Tesla Model X with Falcon Wing doors — tells you about half of what you need to know about the 19-year-old star's new mission as an entrepreneur. 

Jaden Smith

"I love Elon [Musk]," Smith told Business Insider. "He's one of my biggest inspirations in the world." 

Smith, the son of Jada Pinkett and Will Smith, needs the entrepreneurial inspiration. In March, Smith is launching a new flavored-water brand called JUST Water. 

The bottles will cost $1.99 each and be available nationally at retailers like Whole Foods and online at Amazon. Available flavors will include organic apple cinnamon, organic tangerine, and organic lemon.

The $16 billion bottled-water industry is booming. In 2016, for the first time ever, Americans bought more bottled water than soda, according to research and consulting firm Beverage Marketing Corporation.

But Smith says he became interested in the bottled-water industry from a different perspective. He founded JUST Water with Drew Fitzgerald, an environmental activist who also works as a creative director at MIT, in 2015. From the start, the B Corp-certified company has primarily emphasized its mission to reverse the trend of bottled water creating plastic waste. 

"I want to make an alternative to this issue that we have," Smith said, "and try and create a solution we can get behind."

People who drink JUST Water, Smith said, should feel like they're doing "something better for the environment, for the world, and for their children, and their children's children."

How JUST Water changes the game

Jaden Smith

JUST Water's boxy bottle is recyclable and has a significantly lower carbon footprint than most competitors, as it is made primarily from paper and plant-based material.

The company sources its water from Glens Falls, New York, paying six times the municipal rate for spring water and investing back in the community.

And, Smith encourages people to reuse the bottle. The mouth is specifically designed to be large enough to allow for easy refills from taps. 

Still, if JUST Water is all about its social mission, why didn't Smith simply launch a nonprofit or donate to an environmental activist group? 

"I wanted to create an industry for people — to offer jobs for people, to really create an industry for the next generation," Smith said. "And, to create something for people to get behind that could really be profitable."

That brings us back to Elon Musk.

Crafting a Musk-inspired 'paradigm shift'

Jaden Smith

Smith isn't thinking just about bottled water. Instead, he imagines JUST Water to be a launching point for a revolution.  

"Elon went from PayPal immediately into Tesla," Smith said. "He revolutionized the car industry in a way that no one before him could do."

He continued: "That's kind of what I want to do. I want to step into this water-bottle industry and revolutionize it in a way, because I'm thinking in a way that no one else is thinking."

It's a lofty goal — but, in a swiftly changing industry, not an absurd one. Coca-Cola and PepsiCo are making enormous investments in improving sustainability and healthier options, such as bottled water. And, Smith is a 19-year-old with bigger plans and better connections than most people will have in their lifetime.

Smith says he is currently working on a documentary about recycling. He wants JUST Water to do more education in classrooms and to create a platform for recycled material to be used to build things like tables, cell phone cases, and even building materials. Ultimately, he wants to play a part in the rise of a new industry centered on recycling. 

"Now everybody has to make an electric car, because there was a paradigm shift," Smith said. "And I think one day, everybody will be making a recycling company because it's going to be the new industry."

SEE ALSO: Pepsi is copying a cult-favorite soda brand with a new drink — and it could be a $100 million win

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We went to London's first Prosecco-only bar where they serve over 20 types from 5 Italian vineyards

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  • London just got a Prosecco-only bar.
  • They serve over 20 types of the fizzy drink.
  • They work with five vineyards in Italy and three distributors in London.
  • Drinks are sold by the glass or by the bottle.
  • Prices for a glass range from £7.50 to £13.50, while bottles start at £37.

 

Prosecco House is the first bar in London that serves the Italian bubbly only.

They have 28 different types of Prosecco, which they get from five vineyards in Italy and three distributors in London.

"From every single brand, there are different types because we do Brut, Extra Brut, Dry, Extra Dry but as well crisp, delicate, fruity... You name it," owner Kristina Issa told Business Insider. "We can accommodate every different taste."

Drinks are sold by the glass or by the bottle. Prices for a glass range from £7.50 to £13.50, while bottles start at £37.

The Rivalta Nero is the only exception. This Prosecco is sold by the bottle only, for £68.

Prosecco House is located a few seconds walk away from Tower Bridge, in the luxury complex One Tower Bridge.

Produced by Claudia Romeo

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The popularity of fail videos reveals a darker side of humanity

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Whether it's laughing at fail videos or relishing those times when a rival sports team lost the big game, we all enjoy watching other's misfortunes. There's actually a word for this. It's called schadenfreude. Literally, it means "enjoyment obtained from the trouble of others." It sounds twisted — and it is. Even more than you might think.

Schadenfreude is nothing new. Chances are it's been hardwired into our way of thinking of millions of years. 

Emile Bruneau: One of the strongest arguments to my mind is that our brains evolved for millions of years in a situation when you had small groups of humans scrabbling out in existence against other small groups of humans in a relatively harsh environment. In order to survive that you’d need your group to be incredibly tight-knit, and so this would both select for something like empathy — feeling for the suffering for other group members — and also extreme aggression towards others, something like schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude and empathy are two sides of the same coin. They're both a response we feel to seeing someone else’s trials and misfortunes. However, there’s one big difference. Schadenfreude isn't something parents teach their children. Yet, researchers know that babies as young as 2 can experience it. All it takes is a little competition to trigger the reaction. For one study, 2-year-olds watched as their mothers doted on other infants. Later, the mothers were told to spill water on the infants. When they did, the onlooking 2-year-olds got so excited that some of them literally bounced with joy. It’s not hard to see how this childish rivalry could develop into something more sinister in adults.

And that’s exactly what Emile Bruneau studies. He’s traveled to many parts of the world to investigate conflicts, including: Americans and Mexicans on the Arizona border, Israelis and Palestinians in Israel, and Democrats and Republicans in the US. It doesn't matter where the conflict is or what it’s about, he’s found that at the root of it all is schadenfreude.

Emile Bruneau: We are extraordinarily motivated by who belongs to our group and who belongs to the other group. We have a strong tendency to think not just in terms of me and you but of us and them. And people who I identify as them, I’ll feel more schadenfreude towards them than towards us and certainly, that is the type of thing that drives behavior. If you feel empathy for somebody else you’re motivated to help them, similarly, if you feel schadenfreude you’re motivated to harm the other person.

Neuroscientists think they've pinpointed the area of the brain behind all this. For one study, Red Sox and Yankees fans watched simulated plays while a fMRI measured their brain activity.  When a fan saw the rival team fail, a special area in the brain called the ventral striatum lit up. It helps process reward, pleasure, and decision making — suggesting the fans were experiencing schadenfreude. But the ventral striatum is also involved with decision making. But also, interestingly, fans who showed more activity in their ventral striatum also reported that they were very likely to harm a fan of the rival team either by heckling, insulting, threatening, or hitting. This could explain why schadenfreude seems to be driving human conflicts and violence worldwide. But isn't time that we finally shake off this archaic way of thinking?

Emile Bruneau: The modern world is very different than the world our brains evolved in and right now we're trying to solve modern-day problems with Stone Age psychology. In an environment that is global and multicultural where you have much less conflict where collaboration and cooperation can get you much farther than conflict, then yes, I feel like it is not as productive.

Instead, Bruneau is exploring how to use empathy to resolve conflict and move toward resolutions.

Emile Bruneau: Most recently what I've been interested in is how we intervene. How do we motivate empathy towards the other group? Interestingly enough, what I've found that interventions directed more at trying to challenge their cognitive perceptions of the other side are the types of things that kind of open up their empathy. So, it's almost like the best approach to opening people's hearts is by opening their minds.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you can't laugh at fail videos on YouTube. But perhaps if we all tried to have a bit more empathy for the “other groups,” we could make the world a better place.

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Brendan Fraser says he was groped by a Hollywood executive and that it made him 'retreat' from his acting career

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brendan fraser

  • Actor Brendan Fraser said in a recent interview with GQ that he was groped in 2003 by Philip Berk, a former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press.
  • Fraser said that the incident made him "retreat" from the Hollywood spotlight. 
  • Berk, who previously described the incident in a memoir as being done in jest, told GQ that Fraser's version of the incident was a "total fabrication." He also admitted to writing an "apology" letter to Fraser.
  • The HFPA said on Friday that it was "previously unaware" of the incident as Fraser alleged it, and that it is currently investigating the matter.

 

Actor Brendan Fraser said in a recent interview with GQ that he was groped by a former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Philip Berk, after an HFPA luncheon in 2003. Fraser said that the incident played a part in his decision to "retreat" from the Hollywood spotlight.

Fraser, who starred in a number of leading roles in successful movies throughout the 1990s, including "The Mummy," has been largely absent from the same leading film roles since the early 2000s.

The 49-year-old actor told GQ that the incident was one of the sources of his career's standstill. Fraser recounted the incident in detail, which GQ reported that Berk had previously described in a memoir as being done in jest.

"His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around," Fraser said. "I felt ill. I felt like a little kid. I felt like there was a ball in my throat. I thought I was going to cry."

Fraser said the experience "made me retreat. It made me feel reclusive." He said that he wondered if the HFPA had blacklisted him, as he was rarely invited to the Golden Globe Awards after the incident. 

Berk responded to GQ in an email, saying that Fraser's account of the incident was "a total fabrication."

Fraser also said that his representatives asked the HFPA for a written apology. Berk acknowledged to GQ that he wrote an "apology" letter to Fraser, but said that it "admitted no wrongdoing, the usual 'If I've done anything that upset Mr. Fraser, it was not intended and I apologize.'"

The HFPA responded to the story in a statement to Deadline on Friday, saying that it was "ppreviously unaware" of the incident as Fraser alleged it, and is currently "investigating further details surrounding the incident."

SEE ALSO: The best current TV show on each network — from ABC to FX to Netflix

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Ivanka Trump dined on grilled tofu and bibimbap at dinner with South Korea's president — and the meal had a hidden meaning

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ivanka trump south korea dinner

  • Ivanka Trump dined with South Korea's president on Friday as part of her trip to the country for the Winter Olympics closing ceremonies. 
  • The menu was kosher to accommodate Trump and included bibimbap and other dishes that symbolized "harmony." 
  • The menu was crafted to contain nods to the relationship between South Korea and the US — as well as South Korea's relationship with North Korea.

 

The menu for Ivanka Trump's dinner with South Korea's president has a hidden meaning. 

The first daughter dined with South Korean President Moon Jae In at the Presidential Blue House in Seoul on Friday, with a menu crafted especially for Trump's visit to the country for the Olympics closing ceremonies. 

The Blue House crafted a menu that is "Korean food designed to be palatable for foreigners," according to a White House pool report.

Bibimbap

The centerpiece of the meal was bibimbap, a Korean dish that combines rice, vegetables, and various other toppings and sauces. 

"Bibimbap is a food that mixes different ingredients evenly and symbolizes harmony," according to the Blue House.

The bibimbap wasn't South Korea's only symbolic reference to harmony in the meal. Guests will be offered the choice of red wine from Napa Valley or white wine from Chungbuk province in South Korea. 

The harmony in question can be seen as a nod to the US and South Korea working together. However, it is also likely a reference to North and South Korea's relationship. 

Moon met with North Korean representatives four times during their three-day trip to South Korea earlier in the Olympics. Now, Korean media outlets report that Moon hopes to convince Trump to lobby her father to visit North Korea on a diplomatic trip.

ivanka trump moon jae in

The meal also symbolizes South Korea's willingness to collaborate with the US. 

There's no shellfish or sashimi on the menu, as it has been "delicately prepared" to be kosher for Trump, who practices Orthodox Judaism. And, while everyone else ate kalbi grilled ribs, Trump was served "grilled soft tofu with special marinade" to better fit her preferences. 

Here's the full menu: 

  • Lotus root and pear salad
  • Jujube (red date) porridge
  • Grilled soft tofu with special marinade for Ivanka Trump
  • Kalbi grilled ribs for everyone else
  • Bibimbap
  • Frozen strawberry in three different flavors
  • Citrus tea
  • Dried persimmon and deep fried walnut
  • Red wine from Napa Valley
  • White wine from Chungbuk province in South Korea

SEE ALSO: Ivanka Trump is doomed to draw comparisons to a North Korean 'princess' at the Olympics — here's how the two women known for their 'charm offensive' strategies actually match up

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