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Scientists Have Found A Surprising Key To Happy Relationships

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wedding couple outside

Sharing good news with someone else is a process psychologists call "capitalization," and it turns out that studying exactly what capitalization looks like in a relationship offers a frighteningly accurate picture of whether or not things are going well.

When people in a relationship regularly respond to each other's good news enthusiastically, they are more likely to be happy and satisfied, researchers reported in a 2004 study.

In fact, they concluded in a 2006 follow-up, "responses to positive event discussions were more closely related to relationship well-being and break-up than were responses to negative event discussions."

When people recite traditional wedding vows, it's the latter part of this classic phrase that tends to get all of the attention: "in good times and bad." It turns out that while it's important to stand by your partner during a crisis, supporting your better half's accomplishments and enjoying those "good times" together may be even more important.

Amie M. Gordon, a social psychologist at the University of California-Berkeley, offers some examples on her Psychology Today blog of how responses to good news might play out in reality, say, after "a wife comes home to tell her husband that she got a promotion":

  • An active-constructive response from him would be enthusiastic support: "That's great, honey! I knew you could do it, you’ve been working so hard."
  • A passive-constructive response would be understated support — a warm smile and a simple “That’s good news.”
  • An active-destructive response would be a statement that demeaned the event: “Does this mean you are going to be gone working even longer hours now? Are you sure you can handle it?”
  • Finally, a passive-destructive response would virtually ignore the good news: “Oh, really? Well you won’t believe what happened to me on the drive home today!"

The one you want to practice doing is the "active-constructive" response, where you not only acknowledge a partner's good news, but make them feel even better about it.

The 2004 and 2006 studies aren't conclusive, of course, but the general idea agrees with much of what previous studies have suggested about happy relationships. "Research consistently shows that relationships thrive when they are filled with more good than bad," Gordon writes. "Being able to share in your partner’s joys is one way to boost the positives in your relationship."

The authors of those two studies on sharing good news, led by Shelly Gable of UCLA, point out that our cultural emphasis on sticking with someone when the going gets tough may be misguided, with potentially disastrous consequences.

"The disproportionate focus on processes such as conflict, social support, and jealousy, although clearly important, may have unintentionally led to our failure to empirically notice the importance of positive experiences... in the lives of couples," they write in the conclusion to their 2006 study. "Feeling that your partner is there for you when things go right and ... your partner actually being there for you when things go right play important roles in the health of relationships."

So don't just support your significant other through the bad times, dry their tears, and pick them up when they're down. That's all important, but remember also to cheer them on through the good times, share in their joys, and high-five their accomplishments. 

"Indeed," Gable and her coauthors conclude, "positive emotional exchanges may serve as a foundation on which stable and satisfying relationships rest."

And that's one relationship secret that's probably not a secret at all to anyone in a happy, long-lasting relationship.


NOW WATCH: 11 Horrible Things That Happen If You Don't Get Enough Sleep

SEE ALSO: Why Relationships That Come From Cheating Are Different

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The Best Gadgets You Can Buy This Holiday Season

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Tech Gift Guide

It's time to get serious about holiday shopping.

Trying to decide on the perfect laptop, tablet, or tech accessory can be overwhelming.

Manufacturers release tons of gadgets all year, so sifting through all of your options to find the best fit can be overwhelming.

Our holiday gift guide is full of excellent ideas — whether you're trying to find a new laptop for your son or daughter going away to college, some new cases and accessories to use as stocking stuffers, or the best entertainment devices to spice up your living room.



iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus are the two best phones you can buy.

For most people, the iPhone 6 is the best smartphone. The iPhone 6 Plus, with a larger 5.5-inch screen, is the best phone if you want a phablet.

Why? Both phones are the perfect blend of design, app selection, ease of use, and powerful hardware.

Click here for the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus review >>

Price: Starts at $649 for the iPhone 6 and $749 for the iPhone 6 Plus. 



The HTC One M8 is the most beautiful Android phone.

HTC's flagship phone, the HTC One (M8), is the best Android phone you can buy.

Like the original, the new HTC One, which is also called the M8, has a gorgeous design and high-quality metal construction. It also has an extra rear camera that acts as a depth sensor so you can edit photos later and change the focus.  

Click here for the HTC One (M8) review>>

Price: Around $540



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What Guys REALLY Want For The Holidays

What Guys REALLY Want For The Holidays


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How Productive Are You REALLY Being At Work?

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This infographic is sponsored by Canon.

Being busy, unfortunately, isn't the same thing as being productive. It's easy to get wrapped up in responding to e-mails, talking to coworkers, and sitting through back-to-back meetings while the work you actually need to do remains untouched.

The first step to increasing your productivity is to take a hard look at where your time is going. Visualizing your workday — from how long you spend writing reports to how often you have to troubleshoot — will ultimately help you figure out how to get more done.

Use our interactive "Productivity Dashboard" below to see how much time you're spending on various activities at work, and get tips on how to be more productive. (Click the question mark below to get started.)

Find out more about Sponsored Content.

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Here's The Only Wallet You'll Ever Need [41% OFF]

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barneys leather billfold wallet mens shopping

Everyone needs a great everyday wallet — and this Lotuff Leather black billfold wallet is where it's at.

Now that everyone's using huge smartphones, no one wants (or needs) to carry around a huge wallet. That's why this small and sleek 4" by 3" wallet is the perfect option. It comes with two slots for credit and debit cards, as well as a billfold so that you can carry some cash around, too.

The black vegetable-tanned grained leather gives the wallet a simple, classic look. And, it'll feel really nice in the hand. 

You can get yourself one here for $89.00. — It's 41% off.

However, if you prefer something a bit larger, you should check out the  Serapian Evolution Wallet for $179— Right now, it's 39% off.

But, if all you need is a card holder (just to hold a couple of business and credit cards), here's the Smythson Panama Card Case for $99 39% off.

And finally, a pro-tip! Take your wallet out of your back pocket when you sit down on chairs. The wallet adds just enough volume to mis-align your posture, which can intensify back problems.

SEE ALSO:  The Drone Gift Guide: Four Drones To Help You Start Flying [Up To 55% Off]

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30 Books That Changed The Course Of History

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the communist manifesto karl marx

Every reader knows that a book can change your life.

But what about the lives of an entire generation? Can a book change the future?

Miriam Tuliao, assistant director of central collection development at the New York Public Library, helped us come up with a list of the books that changed the course of history.

We also added a few ideas of our choosing.

From William Shakespeare's plays to George Orwell's "1984," these 30 titles (listed here in alphabetical order) have had a major impact. 

Do you think another book belongs on this list? Let us know in the comments.

"Aesop’s Fables" by Aesop

Believed to have originated between 620 and 560 B.C.

"Aesop's Fables" is a collection of stories that are meant to teach the listener a life lesson. The fables are often credited to an ancient Greek slave and storyteller named Aesop (though the origin of the fables remains disputed).

The stories are still important moral lessons and have had a far-reaching impact on literature and common sayings, including "wolf in sheep's clothing," "boy who cried wolf," "goose that laid the golden eggs," and many others.

Buy the book here >



"The Analects of Confucius" by Confucius

Believed to have been written sometime between 475 and 221 B.C.

Also known as simply "Analects" or "Lunyu," this book is the collection of sayings and ideas attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius on how to live a virtuous life and be kind — what he referred to as ren.

"The Analects" continues to have a profound influence on Eastern philosophy and ethics, especially in China.

Buy an English translation of the book here >



"Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank

Published in 1947

The book is a compilation of the diary writings of Anne Frank, a girl who hid with her family for two years during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. The family was discovered in 1944, and Frank died of typhus in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.

Since its publication, "Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl" has been translated into more than 60 languages and remains one of the most famous and influential primary documents from Europe in World War II.

Buy the book here >



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The Best Diner In Every State

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Best DinersThe wait staff knows your name and order by heart. The coffee tastes like dirt some days, but you and your friends never seem to mind. And when your family comes into town for the holidays, you get excited to bring them to "your spot."

Diners are an American tradition, and everyone thinks his or her hometown's greasy spoon is the best.

For this list, we scoured Yelp reviews, local newspapers, and culinary awards to find the most popular and beloved diner in every state. We defined diner as a restaurant whose primary purpose is serving breakfast, and awarded bonus points to dives open 24-7.

Did we miss your favorite? Let us know in the comments.

ALABAMA: Bogue's Restaurant

Named after owners Pat and Mildred Bogue, Bogue's Diner opened in 1938. Mildred's sweet roll recipe made the Birmingham diner famous. When plans to bulldoze the diner and build a chain drug store in its place took shape, the neighborhood and Bogue's regulars rallied to save it.



ALASKA: Snow City Cafe

Locals and tourists wait hours for a table at the Anchorage diner Snow City Cafe. The diner is so popular that it has 482 glowing reviews on Yelp. Diners come back time and time again for the cafe's original concoctions like crab omelets with a side of reindeer sausage. 



ARIZONA: 5 & Diner

The 1950s-inspired 5 & Diner has six locations across the Grand Canyon state. Known for its shakes and malts, the 5 & Diner serves 12 signature burgers to choose from. The mouthwatering Big Bopper Burger contains double-decker beef patties, melted American cheese, and the special house sauce.



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How Two Guys Built A Huge YouTube Following With A Bunch Of Obnoxious Barbies

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youtube spaces la

Popular YouTubers Mark Cope and Carlo Moss never expected anyone to even see their videos. 

"It started out as us just wanting to make a stop-motion video for fun," Cope said when we recently met at YouTube's hi-tech studio space in Los Angeles. "Carlo was in an improv group with people who did voices, so we made this video of three girls arguing over who was more popular." 

In a stroke of genius, the pair decided to have Barbies play the parts of the popular girls. Cope bought three Barbies for $3 and then spent several months teaching himself stop-motion animation skills. 

"The first video was just pictures pasted together, and it sucked," Cope said. "But Carlo took it and put it on YouTube, and thank god he did. We got 100,000 views in just a week." 

They decided to make an entire season's worth of stop-motion videos, titling their YouTube channel "The Most Popular Girls in School."

After about a year of making the videos, a Tumblr user found a GIF of the show and reblogged it. That GIF has since been reblogged about 35,000 times, and Cope and Moss noticed that people had started binge-watching their show.

"Once Tumblr got a hold of it, our audience became younger, mostly girls," Cope said. "We didn't really know what our show was until we found an audience. After Tumblr our followers quickly went from around 4,000 to 100,000." 

They describe their channel as "'Mean Girls' with Barbies," or a "dirty soap opera with lots of plot twists." The Barbie characters have hilarious stories, from wannabe pop star Deandra recording her first music video to burgeoning entrepreneur Trisha planning an appearance on "Shark Tank."

When they went to VidCon, an annual convention for YouTube creators, one fan who had traveled from Argentina was hyperventilating at the sight of their Brittnay doll.

"We were able to really make the characters happen," Moss said.

youtube spaces la

Cope and Moss were approved to use the facilities at the YouTube Space in Los Angeles, a high-tech studio that creators with more than 10,000 subscribers can use for free. 

With production stages, green screens, cameras, electrical and grip equipment, and workshops the Space is a valuable resource for YouTubers looking to improve the quality and reach of their videos. There are also Spaces in New York City, London, and Tokyo.

"The Spaces around the world serve as incubators that accelerate what can happen when you bring creative people together and offer production and educational resources that best meet their needs," Liam Collins, head of the YouTube Space LA, said to Business Insider.

youtube spaces LAUsing the studios' equipment proved to be crucial for Cope and Moss. They were able to produce the fourth season of "The Most Popular Girls in School" three times faster than past seasons, and the studio helped them bring on professional animators, who can work on two different episodes at once.

"It really worked amazingly. It’s the first time on this show that I'm working 9-5 instead of 80 hours a week," Cope said.

youtube spaces la

Still, putting together an entire show with props, actors, animation, and editing is hard work, and the channel costs more than it makes. Cope and Moss have turned to Kickstarter and Indiegogo campaigns to raise the funds that make the show possible, and their fans have responded generously. 

"Every season besides the first one has been funded by fans," Cope said. 

Moss added, "We try to keep a 100% transparency about what we do, and our fans feel like they're part of the family."

Watch one of the show's episodes here (Warning: some NSFW language). 

SEE ALSO: Google Puts Hollywood To Shame With This High-Tech Studio That YouTubers Can Use For Free

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Reddit Kills Comments From Trolls Harassing 3 Women Computer PhDs

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Reddit Troll comment removed

After the uproar this fall involving Gamergate, we're bringing you a good-news story in the fight against sexism in the computer industry.

Gamergate, if you remember, was when some gamers argued that the real victims of horrific sexism in the gaming industry were actually men — not the women chased from their homes and public appearances by vicious death and rape threats after they criticized the portrayal of women in many video games.

The whole thing made you want to put your head in your hands and weep for the state of humanity.

Flash forward to Friday, when to cap off Computer Science Education Week, three women computer scientists from MIT did a Reddit ask-me-anything session to answer questions about programming and academia.

It was a lively discussion containing hundreds of comments in which these scientists talked about the world of research, their role models (like their moms, one of whom was also a computer scientist), and how to encourage kids to learn to code (short answer: Scratch, a programming language for kids created at MIT).

But because this is the internet, a few trolls showed up, too, asking bizarre and rude sexist questions, some involving parts of the human body. A PR person from MIT forwarded the links to us, asking us to expose these trolls.

Here's the good part: Before we could do that, Reddit moderators removed the comments. 

At one point in its life, Reddit had an almost anything-goes policy. The idea was that it didn't want to get into the sticky situation of censorship (a noble thought), and so it allowed conversations, links, even subreddits that many would consider to be offensive, leaving it up to the crowd to downvote such stories or comments.

But Reddit aims for these AMAs to be respectful. Reddit's policy is that it will remove comments that are "abusive or harassing" as well as "comments where there would be no possibility of a real answer, especially where it is deliberately creepy or offensive."

So now, when you go to this particular AMA, you get a great discussion on life as a computer scientist without creepy detours. The message is that those who want to harass women in the tech industry won't find a place to do it there.

In the holiday spirit we're taking this as a sign that maybe the internet is getting fed up with this hateful nonsense. That might be wishful thinking, but it's a worthwhile wish.


NOW WATCH: Why Bethany Mota Has A Legion Of 10 Million Fans Waiting For Her Next YouTube Video

 

SEE ALSO: The 25 Best Tech Employers For Women [Ranked]

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Women Give Disturbing Personal Accounts Of Being Sexually Harassed On The Subway

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