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A couples therapist says 'the one' doesn't exist — and convincing ourselves otherwise leads to trouble

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Couple Laughing Together

  • Esther Perel is a couples therapist and the author of "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs."
  • She says there's no such thing as The One.
  • Instead, you find someone you're compatible enough with, and work to build a fulfilling life with that person.
  • Research suggests that believing two people are either destined to be together or not can be counterproductive.


If you want to understand the science of relationships, you need to start with the phrase "cognitive dissonance."

It's psychologists' term for that uncomfortable feeling you get when your behavior doesn't match up with your beliefs. Usually when this happens, you take steps to realign them. For example, you think accounting is boring; then you get a job as an accountant and decide, before you even start, it's actually riveting.

But cognitive dissonance also helps explain why so many people think they've found their soulmate — The One, if you will. Ask Esther Perel and she'll tell you that once you've picked a partner:

"We come up with all the arguments to justify why that was the right person. But this is the way that we like to have coherence; we can't agree with the idea that I chose this person, but it's not the right one. So we make it fit."

Perel is a couples therapist as well as the author of "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." When she visited the Business Insider office in September, Perel said a lot of people today feel anxious about choosing the wrong person from a pool of thousands, all just a swipe away.

Yet while it's probably true that some of those people are better matches for you than others, it's probably not true — at least in Perel's view — that one of those people is your absolute best match.

Perel told it to us straight:

"There is never 'The One.' There is a one that you choose and with whom you decide that you want to build something. But in my opinion, there could also have been others — you just chose this one. And when you choose one, you renounce others. … Then you decide that because you've chosen that person, you turn that person into The One."

Research suggests that believing that two people are meant for each other or not — what psychologists call a "destiny belief" — can in fact be detrimental to a relationship.

One 2007 study, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology, found that people who held destiny beliefs were less likely to forgive their partner for transgressions than people who held "growth beliefs," meaning they believed that relationships could benefit from work and overcoming obstacles.

Another study, published in 2004 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that a growth belief served as a buffer against negative feelings after fighting with a partner.

Consider a growth belief a version of "job crafting," or molding your job to become more meaningful by tweaking both your responsibilities and your perceptions of your role in the organization. When you "relationship craft," you put in effort to make the partnership more perfect for you.

The point here isn't to settle, and figure you'll work to improve the relationship later. That sounds like a terrible idea.

Instead look for someone who makes you happy and who you could see yourself spending a long time with. But know that, regardless of who you choose, some conflict and disappointment is inevitable.

Perel said: "There is no one and only. There is the one you pick and what you choose to build with that person."

SEE ALSO: A couples therapist says two powerful behaviors can be the 'saving grace' of a relationship

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NOW WATCH: Here’s how people in happy relationships can wind up cheating


4 female senators share their own stories of being sexually harassed after the Harvey Weinstein scandal

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elizabeth warren meet the press

  • Four Democratic senators are speaking out about their own experiences being sexually harassed.
  • They opened up as part of the #MeToo campaign that picked up steam in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal.
  • They emphasized that for things to change, there needs to be a cultural shift from teaching women to avoid sexual assault, to teaching men not to behave inappropriately towards women.


Four female senators spoke out about their own past experiences involving sexual harassment after over three dozen women accused Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein of varying degrees of sexual misconduct.

NBC's "Meet The Press" reached out to all 21 female members of the US Senate and asked if they wanted to share stories of sexual harassment as part of the #MeToo campaign that picked up steam following the Weinstein scandal.

Four women — Democratic Sens. Elizabeth Warren, Claire McCaskill, Mazie Hirono, and Heidi Heitkamp — came forward and recounted their experiences.

Warren, a Massachusetts senator known for her progressive ideology, recalled being harassed by a senior faculty member when she had just started out as a law professor. The colleague, Warren said, often made inappropriate jokes and commented on her appearance, and one day invited her to his office.

Once she got to his office, Warren said, "he slammed the door and lunged for me. It's like a bad cartoon. He's chasing me around the desk trying to get his hands on me."

"And I kept saying, 'You don't want to do this. You don't want to do this. I have little children at home, please don't do this,'" she recalled. Eventually, she was able to reach the door and get out before things progressed, and she went back to her office.

"I just sat and shook and thought, what had I done to bring this on?" Warren told NBC. "And I told my best friend about it. Never said a word to anyone else, but for a long time, I wore a lot of brown."

Mazie Hirono

Hirono, who represents Hawaii, recalled having been propositioned by teachers, by colleagues, and several others. She observed that sexual harassment and other "unwanted attention" occurs when there is "uneven power, and it's usually the woman who has less power."

McCaskill, a senator from Missouri, was harassed while working as a state legislator in her 20s. She said she approached the "very powerful speaker of the Missouri House of Representatives" when she was nervous about getting her first bill out of committee. She recalled asking him whether he had any advice for her on how she could move the legislation forward.

"And he looked at me and he paused and he said, 'Well, did you bring your knee pads?'" McCaskill told NBC. "I do think he was joking, but it was shocking that he would make that joke to a colleague, even a very young colleague."

Heitkamp, of North Dakota, recounted speaking at an event focusing on curbing domestic violence when she was the state's attorney general. At the event, Heitkamp said, a law enforcement officer approached her, "and he pretty much put his finger in my face, and he said, 'Listen here, men will always beat their wives, and you can't stop them.'"

She told NBC that she was "stunned" and replied to the official, "You know, you might be right. I hope you're not right, but we shouldn't live in a world where we don't try."

U.S. Senator Heidi Heitkamp (ND) speaks with reporters after the weekly party caucus luncheons at the U.S. Capitol in Washington June 23, 2015.  REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

#MeToo

The four senators spoke out about their experiences after activist Tarana Burke revived the #MeToo campaign, which she originally launched more than a decade ago, following the bombshell allegations against Weinstein. Scores of men and women tweeted out the hashtag to indicate that they, too, had been harassed in the past.

The campaign drew support from several prominent figures, many of whom have previously opened up about their experiences with sexual harassment and assault, like Lady Gaga and actresses Evan Rachel Wood and Gabrielle Union. People like Alyssa Milano, Debra Messing, Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney, America Ferrera, and Bjork spoke out as well.

Weinstein was fired from the Weinstein Company, which he co-founded, after the allegations against him became public. The British Academy of Film and Television Arts also suspended Weinstein's membership, releasing a statement that called his alleged behavior "completely unacceptable and incompatible with BAFTA's values."

Last week, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences voted to oust him from its ranks.

Heitkamp said it was sad that it took something as "horrific" as the Weinstein scandal to "make people feel strong enough to actually speak up."

"The voices of all these women are so much stronger and louder together," she added.

McCaskill said she wasn't surprised by the allegations, given her own past experiences, and that she understood why victims of sexual assault and harassment keep their experiences to themselves.

Claire McCaskill

Moving forward, Heitkamp said, it's imperative that families work to implement cultural change so that the focus is on teaching men not to behave inappropriately, instead of teaching women how to guard against sexual assault.

"We have to achieve something within our families and within our children," Heitkamp said. "It's not acceptable, if you're raising daughters, to say, 'Look, you may not think it's ever going to happen to you. In all likelihood, it will.'"

Instead, she added, "we should be raising sons to say, 'I will never do this. I will behave differently.'"

Hirono told NBC that men should know that suggestive comments and lewd behavior is "not cute, it's not fun."

McCaskill emphasized that women who are victims of campus sexual assault should not wonder whether they had done something to provoke the attack.

Things like how much a woman has had to drink, who she was with, and whether she should have gone to a party "does not excuse criminal conduct," McCaskill said. "You don't have to have perfect judgment to be a victim of a crime."

Watch all of their interviews below:

SEE ALSO: 'The Big Bang Theory' star's op-ed about Harvey Weinstein sparks outrage on Twitter

DON'T MISS: All the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment or assault

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Roger Stone explains what Trump has in common with Richard Nixon

These secret Netflix codes uncover a list of 'hidden' films and TV shows — and it's easy to use them

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netflix

Binge watchers, rejoice — a dedicated website has published a secret list of codes that will apparently unlock dozens of "hidden" films and TVs shows under new niche categories on the video streaming service — just in time for the winter months.

To access the extra content, all you need to do is add the code for the desired genre or sub genre to the end of the usual Netflix URL.

For example, to access the list for "action & adventure," you would add the code 1365, making your URL become: http://www.netflix.com/browse/genre/1365.

Niche sub categories include "werewolf horror movies," "movies for ages 2 to 4," "Greek movies," and "mockumentaries."

The Mirror published a list of some of the categories with their respective codes.

You can see them below:

  • Action & Adventure: 1365

  • Action Comedies: 43040

  • Action Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 1568

  • Action Thrillers: 43048

  • Adult Animation: 11881

  • Adventures: 7442

  • African Movies: 3761

  • Alien Sci-Fi: 3327

  • Animal Tales: 5507

  • Anime: 7424

  • Anime Action: 2653

  • Anime Comedies: 9302

  • Anime Dramas: 452

  • Anime Fantasy: 11146

  • Anime Features: 3063

  • Anime Horror: 10695

  • Anime Sci-Fi: 2729

  • Anime Series: 6721

  • Art House Movies: 29764

  • Asian Action Movies: 77232

  • Australian Movies: 5230

  • B-Horror Movies: 8195

  • Baseball Movies: 12339

  • Basketball Movies: 12762

  • Belgian Movies: 262

  • Biographical Docs: 3652

  • Biographical Dramas: 3179

  • Boxing Movies: 12443

  • British Movies: 10757

  • British TV Shows: 52117

  • Campy Movies: 1252

  • Children & Family Movies: 783

  • Chinese Movies: 3960

  • Classic Action & Adventure: 46576

  • Classic Comedies: 31694

  • Classic Dramas: 29809

  • Classic Foreign Movies: 32473

  • Classic Movies: 31574

  • Classic Musicals: 32392

  • Classic Romantic Movies: 31273

  • Classic Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 47147

  • Classic Thrillers: 46588

  • Classic TV Shows: 46553

  • Classic War Movies: 48744

  • Classic Westerns: 47465

  • Comedies: 6548

  • Comic Book and Superhero: 10118

  • Country & Western/Folk: 1105

  • Courtroom Dramas: 2748

  • Creature Features: 6895

  • Crime Action & Adventure: 9584

  • Crime Documentaries: 9875

  • Crime Dramas: 6889

  • Crime Thrillers: 10499

  • Crime TV Shows: 26146

  • Cult Comedies: 9434

  • Cult Horror Movies: 10944

  • Cult Movies: 7627

  • Cult Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 4734

  • Cult TV Shows: 74652

  • Dark Comedies: 869

  • Deep Sea Horror Movies: 45028

  • Disney: 67673

  • Disney Musicals: 59433

  • Documentaries: 6839

  • Dramas: 5763

  • Dramas based on Books: 4961

  • Dramas based on real life: 3653

  • Dutch Movies: 10606

  • Eastern European Movies: 5254

  • Education for Kids: 10659

  • Epics: 52858

  • Experimental Movies: 11079

  • Faith & Spirituality: 26835

  • Faith & Spirituality Movies: 52804

  • Family Features: 51056

  • Fantasy Movies: 9744

  • Film Noir: 7687

  • Food & Travel TV: 72436

  • Football Movies: 12803

  • Foreign Action & Adventure: 11828

  • Foreign Comedies: 4426

  • Foreign Documentaries: 5161

  • Foreign Dramas: 2150

  • Foreign Gay & Lesbian Movies: 8243

  • Foreign Horror Movies: 8654

  • Foreign Movies: 7462

  • Foreign Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 6485

  • Foreign Thrillers: 10306

  • French Movies: 58807

  • Gangster Movies: 31851

  • Gay & Lesbian Dramas: 500

  • German Movies: 58886

  • Greek Movies: 61115

  • Historical Documentaries: 5349

  • Horror Comedy: 89585

  • Horror Movies: 8711

  • Independent Action & Adventure: 11804

  • Independent Comedies: 4195

  • Independent Dramas: 384

  • Independent Movies: 7077

  • Independent Thrillers: 3269

  • Indian Movies: 10463

  • Irish Movies: 58750

  • Italian Movies: 8221

  • Japanese Movies: 10398

  • Jazz & Easy Listening: 10271

  • Kids Faith & Spirituality: 751423

  • Kids Music: 52843

  • Kids’ TV: 27346

  • Korean Movies: 5685

  • Korean TV Shows: 67879

  • Late Night Comedies: 1402

  • Latin American Movies: 1613

  • Latin Music: 10741

  • Martial Arts Movies: 8985

  • Martial Arts, Boxing & Wrestling: 6695

  • Middle Eastern Movies: 5875

  • Military Action & Adventure: 2125

  • Military Documentaries: 4006

  • Military Dramas: 11

  • Military TV Shows: 25804

  • Miniseries: 4814

  • Mockumentaries: 26

  • Monster Movies: 947

  • Movies based on children’s books: 10056

  • Movies for ages 0 to 2: 6796

  • Movies for ages 2 to 4: 6218

  • Movies for ages 5 to 7: 5455

  • Movies for ages 8 to 10: 561

  • Movies for ages 11 to 12: 6962

  • Music & Concert Documentaries: 90361

  • Music: 1701

  • Musicals: 13335

  • Mysteries: 9994

  • New Zealand Movies: 63782

  • Period Pieces: 12123

  • Political Comedies: 2700

  • Political Documentaries: 7018

  • Political Dramas: 6616

  • Political Thrillers: 10504

  • Psychological Thrillers: 5505

  • Quirky Romance: 36103

  • Reality TV: 9833

  • Religious Documentaries: 10005

  • Rock & Pop Concerts: 3278

  • Romantic Comedies: 5475

  • Romantic Dramas: 1255

  • Romantic Favorites: 502675

  • Romantic Foreign Movies: 7153

  • Romantic Independent Movies: 9916

  • Romantic Movies: 8883

  • Russian: 11567

  • Satanic Stories: 6998

  • Satires: 4922

  • Scandinavian Movies: 9292

  • Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 1492

  • Sci-Fi Adventure: 6926

  • Sci-Fi Dramas: 3916

  • Sci-Fi Horror Movies: 1694

  • Sci-Fi Thrillers: 11014

  • Science & Nature Documentaries: 2595

  • Science & Nature TV: 52780

  • Screwball Comedies: 9702

  • Showbiz Dramas: 5012

  • Showbiz Musicals: 13573

  • Silent Movies: 53310

  • Slapstick Comedies: 10256

  • Slasher and Serial Killer Movies: 8646

  • Soccer Movies: 12549

  • Social & Cultural Documentaries: 3675

  • Social Issue Dramas: 3947

  • Southeast Asian Movies: 9196

  • Spanish Movies: 58741

  • Spiritual Documentaries: 2760

  • Sports & Fitness: 9327

  • Sports Comedies: 5286

  • Sports Documentaries: 180

  • Sports Dramas: 7243

  • Sports Movies: 4370

  • Spy Action & Adventure: 10702

  • Spy Thrillers: 9147

  • Stage Musicals: 55774

  • Stand-up Comedy: 11559

  • Steamy Romantic Movies: 35800

  • Steamy Thrillers: 972

  • Supernatural Horror Movies: 42023

  • Supernatural Thrillers: 11140

  • Tearjerkers: 6384

  • Teen Comedies: 3519

  • Teen Dramas: 9299

  • Teen Screams: 52147

  • Teen TV Shows: 60951

  • Thrillers: 8933

  • Travel & Adventure Documentaries: 1159

  • TV Action & Adventure: 10673

  • TV Cartoons: 11177

  • TV Comedies: 10375

  • TV Documentaries: 10105

  • TV Dramas: 11714

  • TV Horror: 83059

  • TV Mysteries: 4366

  • TV Sci-Fi & Fantasy: 1372

  • TV Shows: 83

  • Urban & Dance Concerts: 9472

  • Vampire Horror Movies: 75804

  • Werewolf Horror Movies: 75930

  • Westerns: 7700

  • World Music Concerts: 2856

  • Zombie Horror Movies: 75405

You can also see the full extended list online here.

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NOW WATCH: Mt. Everest is not the hardest mountain to climb — here's what makes K2 so much worse

What it's like to take a £4,500 first class flight on Lufthansa

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lufthansa first class gilbert ott

Frequent flier and points expert Gilbert Ott is no newbie to luxury travel — but his experience flying first class on Lufthansa left him impressed.

As owner of air miles site God Save the Points, he spends his time travelling the globe in first class, writing about the latest hacks in the travel industry, from how to get cheap flights to how to make economy feel like first class.

In July, he took a £4,500 ($5,900) flight on Lufthansa first class for just $750 (£570) using air miles.

He departed from Frankfurt Airport heading to New York — and he documented his luxurious experience in a video.

Scroll down to see what it's like to fly first class on Lufthansa, according to the man who travels in style on the cheap.

This is frequent flier and points expert Gilbert Ott. In July, he paid $750 (£570) for a £4,500 flight in first class on Lufthansa by using Asiana Club miles, which he earned by purchasing Starwood Preferred Guest hotel points.

"It’s a little over eight hours in change, and I’d flown over in economy for a short work trip, so it was a very welcomed improvement," Ott told Business Insider. "To be on a plane with four cabins, and be in the one that only has eight seats at the pointiest end is pretty cool."



Ott arrived at Frankfurt Airport's First Class terminal — yes, there's a separate one — and said it was "like a hotel lobby but just for first class passengers," compete with a cigar bar, fine dining, unlimited booze, shower rooms, nap rooms, and private security.



Once checked in and through to the lounge, he took a shower, "because I have my own bathroom to take showers in," he said. They gave out rubber duckies.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

These are the bizarre secret hand signals easyJet flight attendants use to communicate with each other

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easyJet flight attendant

  • Budget airline EasyJet has a set of secret hand signal codes that flight attendants use to communicate.
  • An internal video released by the airline shows how cabin crew warn each other when there's a stag do or someone famous on board — or what to do when there's a marriage proposal.


Budget airline EasyJet has revealed the secret codes its flight attendants use to communicate with one another in a new video.

Back in May, passenger Jamie East — a TV and radio presenter — posted a short video to Twitter showing the cabin crew conversing using "bizarre hand signals," including a crew member doing the "chicken arm dance whilst serving the on-board food service."

East asked the airline: "@easyJet excuse me but please explain what ON EARTH is going on here?!"

Twitter users shared their guesses on what was happening in the video, with sports presenter Gabby Logan commenting: "The chicken in row 5 wants tea. Duh."

The airline responded by revealing that the flight attendant was signalling to her colleague in the galley that a passenger had ordered a chicken baguette.

EasyJet then released a never-before-seen video, which is normally used for training new staff to teach them "the importance of the secret code." Here's a few of our favourites:

The not-so-subtle signal for a bacon baguette

easyjet bacon sandwich

Get your antlers out for the stag

easyjet hand gestures

There's even a code for: "Get the Champagne — there's been a marriage proposal"

easyjet hand codes

Watch the full video here:

According to the airline, over the past 21 years EasyJet crew members have "meticulously honed the hand signals to establish their own ingenious sign language to communicate key messages to colleagues."

Tina Milton, Head of Cabin Services said: "With over 6 million passengers served each month, the 'secret code' has been invented to enable our cabin crew to deliver a speedy and efficient service, whilst keeping unnecessary crew noise to a minimum and provide passengers with a relaxing and enjoyable flight.

"EasyJet flight attendants are trained in all aspects of customer service and air safety, and the secret hand signals are an integral part of their in-flight knowledge... Next time you’re on-board an EasyJet flight, have a look to see which hand signals from the code you can spot."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: The yams you've been eating are probably sweet potatoes — here's how to tell the difference

This University of Oxford grad feeds herself on £5 a week by eating food from the dumpster

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Josephine Liang, 25, is part of a growing community of "freegans," people who eat recently discarded food to reduce waste. 

Liang used to shop regularly at the supermarket, then found a cheaper alternative by rummaging through bins, a decision that she says has lowered her weekly food bill to just £5 a week. Liang will wait until shops and cafes close, and then go through their bins to see what she can find. She is saving the money to go travelling. 

Liang said: "I want to show people that there's so much breadth of food that is being thrown away and it is very easy for you to eat more sustainably and cheaply just on food that people are throwing away."

Liang graduated from the University of Oxford in 2016 with a Master's degree in Global Health Science, according to her LinkedIn page. She now works for food waste campaigner Tristram Stuart.

Produced by David Ibekwe.

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Target just revealed a completely new way to give gifts in time for holiday shopping (TGT)

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Target

  • Target is now letting customers send gifts via email.
  • The service is called "Gift Now" and was already offered by select high-end department stores.
  • Target is getting aggressive this holiday to avoid the sales slup it saw last year.

 

Instant gratification is all the rage now, and Target is giving in. Just in time for the holiday season, Target is giving customers a new way to gift.

Instead of mailing a gift directly to its recipient, Target will now let givers use a new feature called "Gift Now." 

Here's how it works:

The service allows givers to send via email. The recipient "opens" the gift virtually in the email, and must then enter their mailing address for delivery. If they're not a fan of your particular choice, they can exchange for something of the same dollar value, or a gift card.

The service is run by Loop Commerce, and is already featured with department stores like Neiman Marcus, Macy's, Saks Fifth Avenue. Target is the first discount store chain to incorporate it.

The new service is just one part of Target's plan to capture a bigger share of holiday shoppers this season. The chain is hoping to avoid the 1.3% decline in sales it saw in the holiday quarter last year.

It's planning to have a larger assortment of its season brand Wondershop, with periodic events in stores like holiday treat sampling, photo booths, and toy demonstration areas.

Sales will likely be less frequent this year, with the store is instead claiming that its merchandise will be "priced right daily." Instead of the "10 days of deals" from the last two years, Target will host sales on the weekends in various categories beginning mid-November.

Target will also have free shipping without the typical $35 order requirement from November 1 until December 23.

SEE ALSO: Walmart is building an 'online mall' to threaten Amazon's most booming business

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 5 ways retailers trick you into spending more money

Wall Street's favorite deal-making restaurant has opened in Larry Ellison's hotel — we went inside

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nobu palo alto 9928

Nobu, Wall Street's favorite deal-making restaurant, has opened its first outpost in the Bay Area — a smaller version of the massive Nobu restaurants found in cities like New York, Tokyo, and Qatar. Nobu Palo Alto is located about halfway between the offices of Facebook and Google, and is inside a hotel owned by Larry Ellison, the billionaire founder of Oracle.

Silicon Valley has never been a center of haute cuisine. Rising rents, high local fees, and acute labor shortages make it difficult for high-end restaurants to turn a profit, despite the area's concentration of wealthy people looking to strike deals over dinner.

But the tech elite still needs to eat. We toured the new restaurant and tried the food to see if Nobu Palo Alto can bring an end to the fine-dining drought in Silicon Valley. Take a look.

SEE ALSO: Inside the $600-a-head Silicon Valley restaurant where Google and Apple executives eat gold-flecked steaks

Nobu's ever-expanding culinary empire has a glitzy new addition.



Nobu Palo Alto is located in the Larry Ellison-owned Epiphany Hotel, which is currently being rebranded as a Nobu Hotel. It's not the first time the tech icon and chef Nobuyuki Matsuhisa have partnered. The pair co-owns Nobu restaurants in Malibu and Hawaii.

Source: The Mercury News



Nobu Palo Alto — restaurant No. 37 in chef Matsuhisa's empire — aims to deliver the same hugely popular dishes and clubby scene as other Nobu locations worldwide.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Inside the Trump-endorsed marriage of Mike Pence, who calls his wife 'mother' and refuses to dine with other women

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Mike Karen Pence

There's a quiet but powerful force at work in the White House.

Her name is Karen Pence.

The Second Lady's influence often goes unnoticed amidst the noisy exits and vicious power struggles that characterize the Trump White House.

But she is in fact the closest advisor to her husband, US Vice President Mike Pence — President Donald Trump's second-in-command.

Karen Pence has even been a focus in some recent controversies, like the couple's expensive decision to walk out of a NFL game over flag protests.

The Washington Post reports Karen Pence has often asserted that she never attempts to sway policy. However, her 32 year marriage to the former Indiana governor has been a major influence on him throughout his political career. Karen — who Mike Pence refers to as "Mother," according to the Rolling Stone's extensive profile — is a major player behind the scenes.

Here's a look inside the marriage of Mike and Karen Pence:

SEE ALSO: A look inside the daily life of US Vice President Mike Pence, who loves popcorn, bikes miles at a time, and has a cat called Pickle

Before she met Mike, the future Second Lady was married to her high school sweetheart, Dr. John Steven Whitaker. The Washington Post reported Karen's first marriage ended in divorce, partly due to the couple's youth and Whitaker's intense medical school schedule.

Source: The Washington Post



Mike and Karen first met in 1983, in the parking lot outside of Indianapolis' St. Thomas Aquinas Church. Karen played the guitar there during Mass, according to the Republic.

Source: The Republic, Indianapolis Monthly



At the time, Karen was teaching shop at a local school, while Mike was studying law at Indiana University, along with one of Karen's sisters. According to the IndyStar, after their first meet-up at church, Mike begged the school's registrar for Karen's sister's number.

Source: IndyStar



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

I ate lunch at a food court in a New York City subway station — and it was unlike anything I have experienced

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blossomdujour3

  • TurnStyle, an underground market and food court, opened in the Columbus Circle subway station in 2016.
  • It is home to over 30 vendors.
  • I was impressed by the variety and quality of its offerings, many of which are from local businesses.


To most, the idea of eating in a subway station—or riding the subway, for that matter—is repulsive. Too much heat, too little space. 

But in April 2016, TurnStyle, a food court and shopping center, opened in the Columbus Circle subway station. The premise was simple: Turn a subway station into a destination for commuters, tourists, residents, and employees of nearby office buildings.

The execution would be more difficult. Could you transform one of the most of the unpleasant environments in New York City into the kind of place one would be eager to visit?

I made my way to the underground market on a Wednesday afternoon, hoping I'd find more than oversized rats and irritated commuters.

TurnStyle is located beneath Columbus Circle, at the intersection of 8th Avenue, Broadway, Central Park South, and Central Park West.



The signs pointing you toward the market are subtle in some places...



...and more colorful in others.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

A $1,000 bagel topped with gold flakes and wine jelly is about to go on sale in New York City

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westin new york times square $1000 bagel

  • The Westin New York Hotel will start selling a bagel smeared with a white truffle cream cheese and topped with gold flakes on November 1.
  • The extravagant breakfast item costs $1,000.
  • The bagel first landed on the hotel's menu 10 years earlier, and it's back by popular demand.

 

In the bagel mecca that is New York City, you will soon be able to buy a bedazzled bagel.

The Westin New York Hotel in Times Square will begin selling a $1,000 bagel topped with Alba white truffle cream cheese, goji berry-infused Riesling jelly, and gold leaf flakes, for a limited time starting November 1. It will be available via room service and at the hotel's restaurant during breakfast hours, though diners must place their order 24 hours in advance.

The $1,000 bagel appeared on the menu for a brief run in the fall of 2007, and requests for the blingy bagel have "come in yearly without fail," according to a press release from the Westin.

Ten years later, the bagel has returned, feeding the local lust for frivolous foods.

The hotel insists that customers who order the bagel are getting "more than just over-priced carbs." White truffle grows almost exclusively in the Alba region of Italy, and most "truffle hunters" use trained dogs or pigs to find them buried next to tree roots. It commands as much as $2,000 per pound. The high-end fungus tastes "slightly garlicky with a deep musky aroma," according to Executive Chef Craig Reid at The Westin New York.

The chef added that the goji berry-infused Riesling jelly offers a blended fruit aroma of cranberries, sour plums, cherries, and orchard fruits like honey-crisp apples and pears.

The made-for-Instagram bagel has already gone viral.

Tax and tip are included in the bagel's four-digit price tag. The hotel will donate 100% of the proceeds to Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen, the largest emergency food program in the city.

SEE ALSO: The bagel has an origin story that's as hotly debated as 'Game of Thrones' fan theories

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The 11 richest millennial billionaires in America

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Evan Spiegel Miranda Kerr

In the US, it doesn't take a lifetime to amass a 10-figure fortune.

In fact, nearly 3% of America's richest people— those with fortunes of at least $2 billion — are under 37, or part of the millennial generation (born between 1981 and 1998).

That's according to this year's Forbes 400 list, which determined the net worths of the wealthiest people in the US by taking into account stakes in public and private companies, real estate holdings, and other assets including art, jewelry, cars, and planes. All net worth estimates are current as of October 17, 2017.

Scroll through to see America's richest young people and how much their fortune is worth according to Forbes.

SEE ALSO: Mark Zuckerberg and his college sweetheart wife Priscilla Chan are worth $74 billion — see their houses, cars, and travels

DON'T MISS: 11 self-made American billionaires who are on the Forbes 400 list for the first time

10. Julio Mario Santo Domingo III: $2.4 billion

Age: 32

Source of wealth: Inherited, Anheuser-Busch InBev 

Forbes 400 rank: 340



9 (TIE). Evan Spiegel: $3.1 billion

Age: 27

Source of wealth: Snapchat

Forbes 400 rank: 248



9 (TIE). Bobby Murphy: $3.1 billion

Age: 29

Source of wealth: Snapchat

Forbes 400 rank: 248



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Grocery chains including Walmart, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's are recalling vegetables in a food safety scare

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grocery

  • A vegetable supplier for major grocery chains issued a recall on certain products after a random test showed listeria contamination. 
  • Grocery chains including Whole Foods, Walmart, and Trader Joe's have also issued recalls.
  • Listeria symptoms include "high fever, severe headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea."

 

Grocery chains including Walmart, Whole Foods, and Trader Joe's have issued a recall on certain vegetable products from packaged vegetable supplier Mann Packing. 

A random sampling by the Canadian Food Inspection Agency found a single positive result for listeria, leading Mann Packing to issue a recall "out of an abundance of caution" last week.  

mann packing

The recall has led to several follow-up recalls at major grocers across the US. 

Walmart is recalling certain bagged veggies, including broccoli and cauliflower. Trader Joe's is recalling its Kohlrabi Salad Blend. And, Whole Foods Market is recalling certain salads from 10 stores in California. 

Regional grocers have also been impacted. Meijer is recalling a long list of packed produce items. Albertsons, Safeway, Vons, and Pak N' Save are voluntarily recalling certain fresh vegetable trays and cups in eight states. H-E-B recalled certain single-serve soups made with the vegetables. 

Listeria is a bacteria that can be extremely dangerous if it infects people with weakened immune systems, such as the elderly and children. According to the FDA, symptoms include "high fever, severe headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea." 

At this point, there are no reported illnesses associated with any Mann Packing products.

Pre-cut packaged vegetables are one of the food products most susceptible to food poisoning contamination. Attorney Bill Marler, who specializes in foodborne illness cases, says that he avoids pre-cut and pre-washed fruits and vegetables "like the plague."

SEE ALSO: Food-poisoning expert reveals 6 foods he refuses to eat

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Shake Shack is debuting chili — here's how to get it before it officially hits the menu (SHAK)

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Shake Shack

  • Shake Shack is adding chili to the menu. 
  • Chili will also be available as a side, even though it will not be on the official menu. 
  • You can order the chili-themed menu before other customers using the chain's app. 

 

Shake Shack is adding chili to the menu. 

For a limited time, the chain is serving a chili cheeseburger, chili cheese dog, and chili cheese fries at locations across the US. The chili is made with slow-braised beef, as well as ancho and chile de arbol peppers. 

While chili on its own won't be on the official menu, customers can order a cup of chili as a side as a sort of "secret menu" item. 

Shake Shack is debuting the chili menu items on Thursday, November 2. However, the chili-themed menu will become available on the chain's app starting Monday, October 30.  

SEE ALSO: Subway's co-founder wants to open more sandwich chains as sales plummet

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A Harvard doctor shares the 3-ingredient breakfast she eats at work every morning

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IHOP All You Can Eat Pancakes 6

When Harvard physician Monique Tello looks at the typical American breakfast, she said, it makes her "want to cry."

"A bowl of cereal, or a bagel, or a piece of toast, or a muffin are all no different than a dessert," Tello wrote in a recent Harvard Health blog post.

Think about it — most blueberry muffins aren't much different from cupcakes, and pancakes are little more than fried dough with liquid sugar poured on top. 

"Eating like this may be okay once in a while, but if you do so often, I guarantee these foods will make you sick, one way or another," Tello said.

Many American breakfast foods (like cereal, waffles, and pastries) are primarily made up of refined carbs— a type of unhealthy carbohydrate that gets rapidly turned into sugar in our bodies. And they lack two nourishing ingredients: protein and fiber. As a result, breakfast can be a nutritional disaster.

The solution is a meal that's high in protein to fuel our muscles and has plenty of fiber, which fills us up and regulates our digestion.

Here's what Tello eats: a combination of berries, Icelandic-style (high protein) yogurt, and a mix of nuts, seeds, and rolled oats.

doctor's breakfast fruit yogurt nuts

"I’m a working mom. I take the train into work. I need something quick, easy, and transportable. Plus, it needs to be budget-friendly, and must hold me over for a number of hours," Tello said.

So her breakfast is based around three simple ingredients:

  • Berries: Tello buys a mix of frozen raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries in bulk, since "fruit is frozen at the peak of freshness, so the quality and vitamin content can be better than what’s in the produce aisle." Plus, she said, frozen fruit is cheaper than fresh and lasts longer. Berries are also high in fiber and pack key vitamins like A, C, and K. Tello fills a plastic container with the frozen fruit, and either lets it defrost overnight or sticks it in a microwave. 
  • Nuts, seeds, and/or whole grains: Tello advises using the ingredients you prefer here, but she goes with unsalted nuts, toasted pepita seeds, and whole rolled oats, all of which are high in fiber and have some protein too.
  • Yogurt: Tello eats plain Siggi's, a brand of high-protein, low-sugar yogurt from Iceland. Other types of Greek plain yogurt have a similar nutritional profile.

To make her meal, she pours the nuts and seeds over the defrosted berries, and stirs the yogurt into the mixture.

"Don’t forget your spoon!" she said.

If you're not a fan of yogurt and berries, the nutritional profile of Tello's breakfast can be replicated in dozens of other forms. A couple of hard-boiled eggs and a piece of whole grain toast would work too; as would some turkey bacon and a whole wheat English muffin or a couple of tablespoons of no-sugar added peanut butter with sliced apples. 

As long as your meal features whole grains (not refined ones) and good sources of protein, fiber, and some healthy fats, you're good to go. The combination of ingredients will fill you up and keep you fueled for hours.

SEE ALSO: Orange juice is the biggest con of your life

DON'T MISS: A doctor has a simple name for the type of food she says is driving the obesity epidemic

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Adding 20 minutes to your commute time could lead to dangerous consequences

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New York City subway platform waiting commuters

  • The average commute time in the US is 50 minutes round trip, but some people spend far longer getting to and from work.
  • Researchers in England found adding an additional 20 minutes of commuting per day has the same negative effect on job satisfaction as receiving a 19% pay cut.
  • Overall, bus and train commuters report more dissatisfaction than those who walk or bike.

 

Commuting is a drag.

For many of us, the time we spend waiting for a train or bus or sitting in traffic feels like an unavoidable part of the work day — but new research suggests, yet again, that it could be harmful to our well-being and job satisfaction.

The study comes from the University of the West of England, which analyzed the impact of commuting on more than 26,000 employees in England over a five-year period.

In England, the average daily commute time has risen from 48 minutes to 60 minutes in the past 20 years and one in seven commuters spends at least two hours on their daily round-trip commute. The average commute time in the US is less, at around 50 minutes round-trip.

Researchers found that each extra minute of commuting time reduces both job and leisure time satisfaction — though not overall life satisfaction — and increases strain and worsens mental health for workers.

Not all commuters fared the same, however. The study found commuters who walk or bike to work don't report the same dissatisfaction with their leisure time as those who commute by bus or train.

Ultimately, an additional 20 minutes of commuting per day has the same negative effect on job satisfaction as receiving a 19% pay cut. That is to say, spending more time standing on a crowded train or sitting in mind-numbing traffic can make you feel just as bad as earning less money, even if you aren't.

Still, people will often take on longer commute times for a job that pays more, which ultimately improves satisfaction, according to Dr. Kiron Chatterjee, the principal investigator of the study and associate professor of travel behavior.

"This raises interesting questions over whether the additional income associated with longer commutes fully compensates for the negative aspects of the journey to work," Dr. Chatterjee said.

Dr. Chatterjee's research underscores multiplestudies that suggest commuting can be more stressful than actually working, and that the longer your commute, the less satisfied you may be with your job and with life in general, reports Business Insider's Shana Lebowitz.

However, many of us tend to downplay the horrors of commuting, falling prey to a phenomenon called "commuter's bias" when it comes to the prospect of earning more money, according to a team of researchers writing in The Harvard Business Review earlier this year.

The researchers mention a study in which they asked US employees to choose between two job scenarios: "Job 1, with a salary of $67,000 a year and a commuting time of 50 minutes, and Job 2, with a salary of $64,000 and a commuting time of 20 minutes."

According to the researchers, 84% of participants chose Job 1, with the higher salary and longer commute.

In the study, the researchers checked to see whether participants could calculate exactly how much more they would earn if they chose Job 1: $12 an hour of commuting time. The participants could, in fact, do the math.

The researchers write: "Their responses simply reflected an inability to fully appreciate the psychological, emotional, and physical costs of longer travel times."

Reducing your commute time by moving to a new neighborhood or changing jobs is an obvious solution to a too-long commute. But there are other ways to make your commute more enjoyable and keep up your job satisfaction, like chatting with fellow riders, or choosing a different mode of transportation.

Additional reporting by Shana Lebowitz.

SEE ALSO: Here's how much money you actually take home from a $75,000 salary depending on where you live

DON'T MISS: Here's how much it would cost you to live in the 10 largest megacities around the world

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NOW WATCH: This 50-lane holiday traffic jam in China will make you regret ever complaining about your commute

San Francisco's housing market is so dire, a burned-out home is selling 'below market value' at $800,000

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121 gates street san francisco for sale

  • A burned-out home in San Francisco has hit the market for $800,000.
  • The one-bedroom, one-bath house was "completely gutted" in a fire and will need to be demolished.
  • The hefty price tag shows the extent of the Bay Area housing bubble.

 

Somebody in San Francisco is selling a burned-out house for nearly $800,000 — and the local housing market is so out of control, the listing agent on the home called the asking price low.

121 Gates Street, a one-bedroom, one-bathroom house in the desirable Bernal Heights neighborhood, hit the market in late October. The home was "completely gutted" in a fire in 2016, and the new owners will need to demolish what's left, according to realtor Jim Laufenberg.

"I suspect it will sell for more than what I'm asking," Laufenberg told Business Insider, adding that the seller listed the property below market value to incite interest in the first few weeks.

The price tag attached to the 1,700-square-foot lot shows the extent of the housing bubble in San Francisco, where tech workers create demand faster than the city can build new housing.

In the photos of the home, sunlight streams through holes in the ceiling, where an early-morning fire ripped through the property in 2016. Most of the furniture was reduced to rubble and ash. Charred wallpaper has peeled away from the walls. Only a few filing cabinets were spared.

A screenshot from Google Street View shows the charming home in 2009.

121 gates street san francisco for sale

In 2017, it doesn't quite have the same curb appeal.

121 gates street san francisco for sale

The fire was caused by a wall-mounted gas heater, according to a San Francisco Fire Commission report. There were no injuries.

121 gates street san francisco for sale

Laufenberg said prospective buyers won't be looking at the home for its bones. He suggested that 121 Gates Street's location just north of Cortland Street— a main drag populated by small markets, cafes, restaurants, and nail salons — make it a bargain deal in Bernal Heights.

The residential enclave has seen a surge in popularity in recent years, driving the median sale price of a single-family home to $1.36 million, up 75% from five years ago.

"It's the location, it's the land, it's the opportunity to build," Laufenberg said.

SEE ALSO: Before-and-after photos show how California's wineries have been devastated by fires

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The 25 best fiction books under 250 pages, according to Goodreads

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reading books unsplash jacalyn bealesThe benefits of reading books are countless.

Books have been proven to make us more empathetic, equip us to deal with uncertainty and anxiety, and help to prevent cognitive decline through middle age into our advanced years.

With so many advantages — not to mention the fact that they give our eyes a much-needed rest from back-lit, digital screens — picking up a book is something we should all incorporate into our daily routines.

However, making it through a hefty novel can seem like a daunting task.

Business Insider teamed up with book review website and recommendation platform Goodreads to create a list of the highest-rated, most popular, and most culturally relevant fiction books which consist of 250 pages or less.

The books were selected by Goodreads staff based on their high ratings and positive reviews from Goodreads users. Each entry on the list contains the book's page count, its average rating from Goodreads users, and a synopsis from the publisher.

Scroll down to discover the 25 best books on Goodreads under 250 pages, ranked by user rating in ascending order.

"The End We Start From" by Megan Hunter — 3.53 stars

"In the midst of a mysterious environmental crisis, as London is submerged below flood waters, a woman gives birth to her first child, Z. Days later, the family are forced to leave their home in search of safety.

"As they move from place to place, shelter to shelter, their journey traces both fear and wonder as Z's small fists grasp at the things he sees, as he grows and stretches, thriving and content against all the odds."

140 pages.Check out "The End We Start From" on Goodreads here.



"The Buddha in the Attic" by Julie Otsuka — 3.6 stars

Julie Otsuka’s follow-up to "When the Emperor Was Divine" tells the story of a group of young women brought from Japan to San Francisco as "picture brides" nearly a century ago.

"The Buddha in the Attic traces the picture brides’ extraordinary lives, from their arduous journey by boat, where they exchange photographs of their husbands, imagining uncertain futures in an unknown land; to their arrival in San Francisco and their tremulous first nights as new wives; to their backbreaking work picking fruit in the fields and scrubbing the floors of white women; to their struggles to master a new language and a new culture; to their experiences in childbirth, and then as mothers, raising children who will ultimately reject their heritage and their history; to the deracinating arrival of war."

129 pages.Check out "The Buddha in the Attic" on Goodreads here.



"All the Birds, Singing" by Evie Wyld — 3.62 stars

"Jake Whyte is living on her own in an old farmhouse on a craggy British island, a place of ceaseless rains and battering winds. Her disobedient collie, Dog, and a flock of sheep are her sole companions, which is how she wanted it to be. But every few nights something — or someone — picks off one of the sheep and sets off a new deep pulse of terror.

"With exceptional artistry and empathy, 'All the Birds, Singing' reveals an isolated life in all its struggles and stubborn hopes, unexpected beauty, and hard-won redemption."

24o pages.Check out "All the Birds, Singing" on Goodreads here.



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A London lawyer proposed to his girlfriend mid-air when their AirAsia plane plunged 24,000 feet in just 9 minutes

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chris jeanes

British lawyer Chris Jeanes proposed to his Australian girlfriend mid-air when their Bali-bound AirAsia aircraft plunged 24,000 feet in just nine minutes, shortly after taking of from Perth, according to NBC News.

AirAsia Flight QZ535, which had 145 passengers on board, lost cabin pressure about 25 minutes after takeoff on October 15 2017, and started to descend rapidly.

Panicked crew reportedly declared an emergency as oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling.

27-year old Jeanes told NBC News that AirAsia flight attendants "sprinted down aisle shouting 'emergency, brace, crash positions'" about 25 minutes after the plane took off from Perth, Australia.

Another passenger, Clare Askew, told media that airline staff "were screaming, looked tearful and shocked."

Jeanes, who is an associate at US firm O'Melveny and Myers based in London, had planned to propose to his 28-year-old girlfriend on the Indonesian island, so instead he pulled down his oxygen mask and did it mid-air.

"Luckily she said, 'yes,'" he said. But the couple also made sure to reconfirm while on the ground.

Here's a video of the terrifying moment the oxygen masks dropped.

The plane is understood to have plunged from about 34,000 feet to around 10,000, an altitude at which cabins are pressurised and oxygen masks are no longer needed, according to NBC.

AirAsia said in a statement that the pilot turned back "following a technical issue to ensure the safety of passengers."

"We commend our pilots for landing the aircraft safely and complying with standard operating procedure. We are fully committed to the safety of our guests and crew and we will continue to ensure that we adhere to the highest safety standards."

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A couple's engagement photo was photobombed by a baby hippo — and the pictures are incredible

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engagement photo bomb hippo

A couple had their engagement picture photobombed by an adorable baby hippo — and the pictures are priceless.

According to The Telegraph, Nick Kelble and his girlfriend Hayley Roll have been followers of Fiona the hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo in Ohio since she was born — so they were happy to share the special moment with her on October 8.

Roll posted a series of photos of the event on her Instagram page, with the caption: "We're so happy Fiona could be there on our special day," adding: "Here's to many more years of going to zoos with you."

She told The Daily Buzz that the couple had gone to the zoo for their one-year anniversary, and Fiona had been in the window.

"Nick, my boyfriend, and I were waiting in line to get our photo taken with Fiona and I gave my cell phone to someone to take the photo and when I turned back around, Nick was on one knee proposing," she said.

You can scroll through the engagement photos below:

Roll said that nobody at the Zoo knew about the engagement — or the epic photo.

The Telegraph reported that Fiona was the first Nile hippo born at the zoo in 75 years back in January, and had a fight to survive after being born six weeks premature.

The Zoo called her a "little hippo with a big personality."

"Full term hippos usually weigh between 50-110lbs," the zoo told The Telegraph. "Fiona only weighed 29lbs when she was born 6 weeks premature. She is the smallest hippo to ever survive."

"As Fiona continues to grow, the many facets of her complex personality are really starting to show!"

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